Reality TV: A Little Too Real

Well 2010 is officially on it's way out the door, and it's got me thinking... what do I want to heave out the door with it? My job? Check. These excess pounds that have taken up residence on my bum? Sounds pretty splendid. Oh and ya know what would be fabulous to send out with 2010. Reality TV. That'd be pretty nice...

There is literally a reality show for everything. Pawn Stars is one of my personal favorites, because they've glamorized this business into TV-quality. I can honestly say I've never stepped foot in a pawn shop, not because I've just never had the opportunity to grace them with my presence... oh no, it's because I've avoided them like the plague. These places just seem like dirty, trashy establishments and I'm sorry for sounding condescending, but ew. Granted, the pawn shop in the show is pretty nice, but they are definitely the exception, not the rule.

Parking Wars... ????? I seriously thought that I was being punked when I first saw a preview for this show. As all reality shows, some of the people are funny. But that's life, you occasionally run across some pretty entertaining people. By no means does that mean we have to start filming our lives just so we can publicize the interesting characters we run across. There are some hilariously entertaining people in my line of work, but I'd be more embarrassed than anything to show them off to the world- "Yeah guys, this is the kind of caliber of people I work with... You're just dripping with jealousy, aren't you?" Nope...

Another one is Billy the Exterminator. I'll admit, I've spent more than a few hours watching this show, not for the entertainment value, but it's sorta educational. But at the end of the day, it's a show about a guy who takes care of pests, and I could live without that on the tube. Apparently this guy got his shot at a TV show when he was featured on Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs and SOMEONE decided, "this guy's got pizazz, let's give him his own show!" He's an exterminator with an unconventional sense of style. That's it. Stimulating TV ya got there.

Storage Wars is a new one, I've never actually seen an episode or even part for that matter, just what I've seen on previews. From what I gather, it's about storage facilities. My interest was never stimulated enough to get more information than that. Another one-seasoner, I'd put money on it.

Hoarders is taking it a bit far. This one's a bit different, because it's a mental condition. This one disgusts me more in the light that it's exploiting this rather embarrassing, mental problem. It's somewhat educational, sure... but how much more can we exploit personal issues. Intervention is a personal favorite of mine and I support it, but it's completely different. It's not as embarrassing, in the sense that hoarding is a habit that can easily be kept behind closed doors and no one will ever know. If you're a "stumbling all over yourself, cracked out 24/7, loud, disrespectful" addict, everyone knows it, whether you're on TV or not.

Oddities is a new one we're watching, and as entertaining as it can be... at times, it's not 100% there. Some of it's pretty gross. Most of it, actually. Watch one episode, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Another fabulous example that we don't need to publicize every strange person we come across, because the store in the show clearly has more than it's share.

Sarah Palin's Alaska needs to go straight where her political career went. Guess what? We didn't care enough about your personal life when we had the ability to put it in front of us 24/7, we don't care to tune into it either. LET IT GO! She's grasping!

In my research for this entry (yes, they aren't just rants, I get good, solid background on these puppies!) I came across yet another reality show that blows my mind. Swamp Loggers. Before you Le Goog it, I'll save you the trouble, it's exactly what it sounds like. Loggers that find wood in swamps. Here's my question... where was the interest in this line of work to spark this show?? Not with this girl, that's for sure.

Oh, and if logging toots your flute, but swamp logging is a bit extreme for you, don't worry, there's a show for you too... American Loggers is the plain M&M's version. Also, exactly what it sounds like. Ugh. Again, not a line of work that's ever intrigued me enough to complain about the lack of a show about it.

Deadliest Catch is also beyond me. Granted, these guys risk their lives out there and I'm not degrading that, but still... movies about fake fishermen have failed, how is a show about real ones expected to do the opposite? One of those shows you can only watch one or two episodes of before it becomes the same thing over and over and over again.

Police Women of Dallas/Memphis is no winner either. Those who know me probably think I'd like these shows. They'd be mistaken. Sure, these are independent women with guns slapping handcuffs on people. But it's a poor man's version of Cops and one version is enough. It's just not stimulating enough to keep me coming back for more.

I really could go on all day about these shows... and the sad thing is, we haven't gotten the hint yet about what works and what doesn't. We just keep throwing these things against the wall to see what sticks. I want to start standing in the board rooms where the initial "yay or nay" discussions about these shows take place with a big ol' cast iron skillet. The guys who support the stupid shows get to meet my little friend. Simple, effective solution, I think!

IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!

It's been a bit since I last blogged... and a LOT has changed! I put in my two weeks notice at work yesterday, and as much stress as I'm feeling about not having a job for the time being, I have to say a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I had hit a point where enough is enough, and I learned a lot in the process. What did I learn exactly, you say? Oh don't worry... I was gonna share!

1. Don't ever be friends with your boss. There are some supervisors who are good at wearing both hats, but those are few and far between. Sometimes it's best to just draw the line yourself, because honestly, even though they are supervisors and have been at the job longer, their people skills might be lacking.
2. When you screw up, admit your mistakes. I know, I know... basic, common sense. But this is apparently really hard for some people. I'm aware of my mistakes I made in the situation leading up to this point. I apologized and accept full responsibility for my part. The other part has yet to be accounted for in the way of an apology, but whatever. Big part of why I'm leaving.
3. When you're told to do something, even if you reeeeeeally don't wanna do it, just do it. Even if you don't agree with it. I fought this really hard for a long time, and it screwed me. By the time I realized that this would have been MUCH easier, it was already too late. There was too much tension. I'm really stubborn, and I can admit that.

Yeah, not exactly rocket science, but for some reason, it just didn't make sense before. It was something I knew but I guess I didn't see the consequences of not doing those things before. One of those things that you really don't fully understand until you've been there and experienced it. Some things can't be taught in classrooms or learned in books.

So what now? No, I don't have a job lined up yet. I am in a great position to do this right now, though, and I have a lot of possibilities open to me. I'm not that worried about it. I have a great husband who has me taken care of until I can find something, so this really couldn't be a better situation for me. I hate that I'm leaving a job I've had for 5 years, but it's time to. I have literally hurled myself back into my jewelry making and that's been amazing. I have so many ideas that I just can't seem to bring to life as quickly as I think of them. I'm not much of a doodler, but I've had to start a sketch pad just to get them out of my head until I can put some work into them. I've got a website, an online store, a Facebook page and business cards on the way!

I know today's post wasn't much of one... I've had a lot of stuff going on in that big ol' rock on my shoulders and not much of it funny, I'm afraid!

Now Available: One Slightly Abused, Gorgeous Hunk of Male

Good news for Ryan Reynolds fans- He's officially filed for divorce from Scarlet Slut-hansson. I'm married, so I'm not exactly in a position to take a number for this sex-on-a-stick actor, but there are plenty of better women out there for him than her. Then again, my husband did wake me up at 4:30 in the morning to share this bit of happy news with me, still trying to figure that one out.

Here's my thing about Scarlet- sure, she's pretty, and she's not a bad actress. But she clearly has a thing or two to learn about relationships. She was the one to first bring up divorce, but they agreed he'd file so she wouldn't have to be the bad guy. Umm... this is stupid. As a divorcee myself, here's a tip for those who haven't been there: there is always a "bad guy". And it's typically the person who first asks for the divorce, when the rest of the bloody-gorey details are kept private. This is clearly one of those cases. I have several friends who were the petitioner in their divorces, but I'm close enough to them to know that the reasons behind the filing were not their fault. But outsiders who don't have the privileged information as to exactly what went wrong typically don't see it that way. My divorce was one of these cases. My ex-husband was a bad person, and very few people knew it. His actions that caused me to leave him where out of character for the guy everyone else knew. I'm the bad guy in my divorce, because to everyone else, it looked like I just up and left. This was not the case. But to be frank, I don't give a shit. It's no one's business but mine and my family's. I'm used to having a less than desirable reputation, what's one more rumor to my credit? The people I care about know the truth and that's all that matters.

Ryan Reynolds has always struck me as very mature, very well-carried individual. Anything but the Van Wilder character he started out as, basically. Apparently the "real" reason behind the divorce was that they spent too much time apart. I don't buy this. Scarlet has been hanging out with her ex, Jared Leto, quite a bit throughout her marriage, and has been leaning on a lot of male celebrity buddies of hers for support through this. It's more likely that she just wasn't ready for marriage, wasn't ready to be unavailable and decided to bow out. Which is fine! I don't see why people aren't honest about their divorces, this happens allll the time. My husband's ex-wife just split with her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and he is just now learning from us why she and my husband divorced in the first place. OK, she was a whore... I can see why people don't share that. But there is an immense amount of respect out there for people who can cop up to their mistakes and admit they made a booboo. I don't know why that's been thrown out the window. As bad as my ex is, I made my mistakes too. Plenty of them, I never claimed to be perfect.

No matter what the story is, anyone who's been divorced is a schmuck. Whether they were the guilty party or they were crazy enough to stay with a son-of-a-silly person, there's a schmuck hat for everyone. And I imagine these hats look something like berets with little springs where that wee button is, and on the top of that spring is a goofy little ball. Like those Jack in the Box heads for car antennas. Only sillier.

Shyamalan, Hitchcock... Milk, Creamer... NOT THE SAME!!

I watched Devil last night for the second time, that new-ish movie from M. Night Shyamalan about 5 people getting stuck in an elevator with the devil. And for the second time, I decided I liked it but it wasn't exactly what I expected. And I realized that this is exactly what people have come to expect from this director/writer- the unexpected. And not in a good way.

I've read that M. Night Shyamalan considers himself to be the second coming of Alfred Hitchcock. Eh... not so much. I mean, kind of... The 6th Sense and The Village were the only movies that I would consider to be Hitchcock-ian style. He also likes to make a director cameo in each of his films (FYI- he didn't have one in Devil) which Hitchcock invented and perfected. Shyamalan effed that up by actually having a speaking role that was pertinent to the plot. Hitchcock literally did a walk by in each of his cameos. He wasn't an actor, nor did he pretend to be. Seeing that this guy thinks of himself as the same caliber as Sir Alfred Hitchcock is almost insulting to me. I am a HUGE Hitchcock fan, I have the velvet lined boxed set and make it a point to watch every one of them at least once a year. There's a very specific cinematic style to Hitchcock, it's not just a tame suspense flick with a crazy twist at the end. Shyamalan's movies are very dark, which is not Hitchcock. (How many times can I say "Hitchcock" in this blog? Hitchcock, Hitchcock, Hitchcock... )

A lot of Hollywood super-geeks seem to be misunderstood as to what a "twist" actually is. Let me set the record straight: a true, 100% twist in plot is when an event takes place that is completely out of context with the previous events leading up to it. In Devil, *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* the devil is one of the passengers in the elevator, which is not a big surprise, because we were led to believe that from about 25 minutes into it, we just didn't know who it was. It was never introduced as an option that the devil was a separate entity from the individuals in the elevator. Finding out the identity is NOT a twist!!! And this false idea of what a twist is ruins every one's opinions on them, so they leave the theater's saying to themselves, "OMG what a great movie!" Makes me want to scream "NONONONONO!!!! It was horrible!" I get so disappointed when I see a movie that was all built up as having a crazy ending and walk out thinking, "is that it?" The person that was the devil in this movie was like the second or third person to die, but came back to life later. Again... disappointing, because it's predictable.

Come to think of it... if you don't like spoilers, stop reading. Being discrete is not one of my strong suits.

My all-time favorite Shyamalan movie is The Village because the entire time, we were thinking it took place a looong time ago. It wasn't until like the last 5 minutes that we realized that it was during modern times, they were just holed up in their own little delusional existence that their lives were as it should be. There were kind of two twists, actually. The first was when the blind chick realized that the monsters she'd feared her whole life were actually the town elders in big ol' ugly suits. That one was enough for me, but the very end, EEK!! That's the kind of ending I live for! Now it's time for me to admit what you're probably thinking- I'm a dork, loser, geek, all of the above. I also own the complete collection of The Twilight Zone on DVD, if anyone was wondering.

The 6th Sense was actually a bit too dark to be a Hitchcock-style movie, but it had the trademark real twist at the end, so we'll let it slide. Watching it a second or third time, it's easy to think you were silly for not noticing it the first time around. But you didn't! Admit it! If you claim to have known he was dead all along, you LIE! And that "I see dead people" thing, priceless!!

OK my dork moment has officially over-stayed it's welcome. I'm going to go eat the 10 pounds of candy my co-workers gave me for Christmas.

An ADD Kinda Day

I've always thought the "prophecy" about 12-23-12 being the end of the world was rubbish. My theory? If you were given a pencil and a couple of hundred pieces of paper and told "Here's the format, make a calendar and keep going as far as you can," you'd get pretty stinkin' tired after a while. You'd make it a couple of thousand years or so before you'd think to yourself, "I've given them plenty, they may not even live that long and even if they do, they can pick it up from there." For some reason, this generation of idiots has concluded that this means the world is ending on that precise day. There is no actual written prediction of this, we just like focusing on the end of the world. My mom is one of these people. Everything is a sign and falls into this great master plan that the world will end on a specific time after certain events take place. My opinions? It's not happening now, so pass me a beer and we can forget about it for a while. The truth about this date? It's the first day of the 14th b'ak'tun, which is basically just a specific measurement for a specific chunk of time. We've just translated the end of a calendar to just that- the end of time. Which is dumb.

Which brings me back to how tiring this colossal task would be. I'm an artsy-craftsy kinda girl, and I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to make a day planner for 2011. Next time I mention this, send me a comment or an email and remind me how stupid I was for trying this in the first place. Think about it- you fold a page and it has page 1 on the left and page 2 on the right. Fold another and stick it inside the first set of pages and what was page 2 now becomes page 4. OK so now that you have the idea of how that works, I have to fold 8 pieces of paper and put them inside of each other. And there are 5 sections just like that. Imagine the typing, the printing, the folding... Ugh. I'm a dumbass for thinking this up. Now that I've done this, my 2012 theory has just been further solidified. It's tiring. It's a lot of work. It's confusing. And I've gone through more Excedrin in the past week than I have in a lifetime. But they've turned out nicely, so it wasn't for nothing. But stttiiiiiilllllllllll....

I'm going to hop off that soapbox and mosey over to another. This is not a pretty subject, but one that must be covered. Plumber's butt. Yeah, I'm gonna go there. I saw the worst one I've ever seen in my life. One of those dirty jeans, top of the Hanes tighty-whities hanging out, splotchy red, fat-as-f*** numbers. No, I didn't look on purpose and I darted my glance another way the second I realized what I was looking at. But I have a semi photographic memory, and these are the kind of mental pictures that have a tendency to overstay their welcome. Why can't my memories from Christmases or vacations be that way... I forget those pretty stinking easily. And this brings me to another common theme from previous entries... how do you not know that this is happening??? Especially in this guy's case, paired with the weather we've been having, how do you NOT feel a draft??? When enough skin is showing to project IMAX films on, you can't not notice it. The concept of a belt escapes these men. Or women, in some cases, but people seem to complain a lot less about those. I wonder why... I think I'm scarred for life, this guy didn't even have the sense to give everyone a courtesy hike of the britches. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I was standing directly behind him in line. Not like I can just run and hide, as much as I wanted to...

Excuse me, I have to go puke now. And then take a shower. Buh.

I'm FULL of Christmas Spirit Today!

With the holidays barrelling down on me, I haven't had the time to think of new and exciting topics to write about. Many apologies. I'm done with school for the winter <does a little dance> but that hasn't quite freed up my schedule as I'd like... who needs a month "off" writing, addressing and stamping envelopes, buying and wrapping gifts, cooking and decorating? Ugh...

Don't get me wrong, I love the holidays. I've never understood the concept of Christmas cards. We've been talking about doing those photo cards for years but I have a confession... I hate them. Not because I don't care to receive them. It's just frustrating getting these really pretty pictures of friends and family that I can't just pop in a frame. I mean, I could... but that'd be a little weird. A wall full of framed Christmas cards wouldn't exactly go with my decor. And then there are the just plain weird photo cards that you just don't know what to do with. www.akwardfamilyphotos.com fixed this and gave us a place to put them. "Hey Martha, not only did we love your card, we put it online on this cool website for great pictures so we can see it whenever we want!"

And I'm convinced that the holidays bring out the nutbags in people. Perfect example- people who normally couldn't be green even if they were pukey or jealous suddenly start recycling EVERYTHING. My friend K-Mo told me a story about a person she knows who recycles wrapping paper. Like steams it off, irons the creases out and reuses it. Gift bags, I can understand. Those suckers are durable, they really weren't meant to be used only once. How this lady recycles paper is beyond me- I find it hard wrapping without tearing it when it's brand new. Bows, I can understand... to a point. Some of them just look like the skeletal remains of what were once bows. They are like .25, I know we're in a recession, but for the love of god, buy new ones. Don't get me started on tape... I have received a gift before where the tape had remnants of another design of wrapping paper stuck underneath it. It was a first, and a last, for that matter. But the fact remains that it has happened.

And people get ruthless with their shopping, which is also beyond me. There is a rather simple solution to this- online!!!!!! Typically the prices are better too. And they are delivered to your door, how much better could it be? Like I'm going to push and shove and run and get all tired so I can pay about the same that I would have online. That'd just be silly. It's not that I'm lazy. I'm busy. There's a big difference. The only day that would be worth it to brave the stores is Black Friday and I work every single one of those, not that I'm particularly torn up about that.

And people that are normally mild mannered and docile get so freaking impatient. They start honking their horns, making smart remarks and those annoying little noises that make everyone else just wanna slap them. Out of nowhere they become all in a hurry to get things done. Here's the thing- I'm like that all year round. I'm quick at getting things done, like grocery shopping in 20 minutes and 3 minutes in the Post Office. Hell, I even poop fast. I'm good at this because I do it all the time. I look at these nincompoops trying and failing to be fast and efficient and I just want to say: they are doing it wrong. There's a certain level of prep that has to be done in order to be fast and efficient in your every day life. For some reason people just don't get that.

While I'm thinking about shopping, I have to ask something that has been eating at me for years... why are gift cards so taboo for Christmas gifts? All I ever get for birthdays is gift cards and I have no complaints, they are handy. Whether it's a poorly thought out gift or a gift card, it still screams "I had no idea what to get you." At least a gift cards gets the point across that you accepted that fact and didn't lose any sleep over it. I'm actually pretty flattered when I'm given a gift card rather than an actual gift. This person just gave me free money to go to a store and spend however I want! And I get to pretend that I actually have money to spend for a change! It's like two gifts in one. Sure, I can always exchange the actual gift but that puts me in this scenario: now I've been given the "gift" of standing in that long line for an hour to return it for store credit because I wasn't given a gift receipt, all the while hopefully gazing at the people skipping into the store with their gift cards getting straight to business. Oh the agony. This makes no sense to me. Almost like they just want a boxed gift to be wrapped under the tree to add the the already over the top decor. There's a simple solution to this. You take a big box, throw in the gift card, stuff it with heavy objects or tissue paper, and wrap the damn thing. There. Now you have a nicely wrapped box to put under the tree.

If You're a Douche and You Know It Clap Your Hands

Today's entry was inspired by a story my friend told me. This probably won't be as funny coming from my mouth, but you'll get the gist of it. She was driving home from work and accidentally cut off another driver and was given the bird. That's not the funny part, though... the lady was driving a minivan decorated with antlers and a red nose. And it wasn't just a casual flip the bird and drive away, it was a two hander set. Apparently this lady took the holiday spirit of "two turtle doves" a bit too far.

Which brings me to today's point: When you're being douchey, you know it. When I'm in a pissy mood and feel like being a bitch, I am well aware of my actions. That doesn't happen often, but I've been known on occasion to express myself a bit more than I should. See November 21's post for proof of this. What is wrong with people? I just don't understand people that are nasty, know they are nasty, and don't give a rat's ass. I'm an honest person, whether I know you or not, but honesty doesn't have to come with bitchiness. The fact that people can be douchebags even during this time of year is beyond me. People should start checking their attitudes with their coats because I am over it. I have to be careful with this, because I'm likely to speak my mind about this at the most inopportune time, like oh, say... I don't know... at WORK!! That'd be a lovely Christmas present for my husband, I can hear how that conversation would pan out- "Hey hon, how was your day? You know how you always said you wanted me to be able to quit my job and do nothing but cook and clean and help take care of the family alllll day long? Well... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" I'm not a very fast runner but I'm having a feeling I'd be working my best Sonic the Hedgehog impression.

I'm pretty sure these people are just like this because they think their shit don't stink, which again, confuses the hell out of me. How can people honestly think that they are THAT much better than the rest of the population? Do they honestly not see how that ridiculous that looks to everyone else? I've decided to be a smart ass and take this to the next level just to show them how silly it really is... I'm going to start carrying around little day glow cans of spray paint, and whenever I feel justified, I'm gonna write my name all over shit. Someone wants to cut me off going through the door? Um... no sir. I'll whip out my can and write my name on the damn door. Cutting me off on the road??! NO MA'AM!!!! I will stop this car, get out, and graffiti my name ALLLL over I-40. OOO and going to Christmas parties would be effing awesome, because if I want to monopolize the food table and take all the good shit all the while shooting nasty looks at peeps who think I should share, I'll just spray paint the entire table with my signature, food and all. A tad extreme, you say? I think we hit the extremist level about 3-4 decades ago. Because I honestly think that's the only way to show these people just what they look like. Stupid, immature, possessive, cocky, all of the above.

Bottom line- if you feel this amazing sense of entitlement, keep it to yourself. If it doesn't fit on your property, it's not yours. If it's in a public place, you have to share. If you honestly want a roadway to yourself, buy a segue and use sidewalks. No one uses those anymore anyway, have a ball, you're likely to have it all to yourself. If you ask for something and are told no, deal: if you had to ask, it was clearly out of your hands in the first place. If you just don't like someone, keep it to yourself, chances are the feeling is mutual. And in the off chance that the person you don't like is one of the .002% of the population that actually is entitled, you're going to look pretty silly, aren't ya?

My Daytrip to Hell

If someone had asked me five years ago what hell for me would be, I'd probably have said being stuck in Chuck E Cheese with my least favorite person in the world. And I'd probably have said the chances of that actually happening were slim to none. Which also goes to show that five years ago, I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

I was given the fun-filled, rare opportunity to live my hell yesterday. I dreaded it with a passion, but I survived. Barely. I went out on Saturday night to celebrate being done with my finals for the semester, and about 3 shots, 4 hurricanes and a couple of jokes about "bean dips" later, I was pretty hammered. And something about guys liking girls who can get themselves "wet." Someone misheard me, but I'm a pro at making completely innocent statements sound dirty. I'm pretty sure I said "guys like girls they can be themselves with." Eh whatever. It was funnier, and probably just as accurate of a statement.

Jump to the next morning. I woke up with the worst hangover I've had in a while. The "if I so much as blink, I'm gonna puke" kind. Ugh. I hadn't forgotten about my stepdaughter's fifth birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, I'm pretty sure I just planned on still being drunk from 11 to 1 the next day to maintain my way through. FYI, for anyone ever thinking about trying this- it backfired. Badly. I ended up sitting in the bathtub for 30 minutes eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch. After 3 Excedrin, 2 prescription strength Naproxin Sodium and 1 prescription strength Ibuprofen, and about 2 gallons of water, I was feeling a bit more like myself. Disclosure: This isn't overdosing for me, far from it. I have a very high tolerance for pain meds, and believe me, it makes my life and managing pain pretty difficult. Back to the story...

So as if my previous opinion on hell wasn't bad enough, add a hangover to it, and it's downright excruciating. And I thought it couldn't get any worse than that! So now we have Chuck E Cheese and a hangover, now we're to the part about my least favorite person. My husband's ex-wife, my step daughter's mom, attended said party. Want to hear the effed up part? This was all my idea. I decided to be nice, because she'd recently lost a job (she would have quit after a few months anyway, in all fairness) and probably wouldn't have been able to throw her own party for their daughter like she normally does. And 5 is a pretty big birthday, I thought it'd be a nice gift for my stepdaughter to have both her parents in one place for longer than five minutes. So at this point, every part of my hell was a product of my own doing. Hangover- did it to myself. Arch nemesis- invited her. Oh, and the Chuck E Cheese part was my idea too. I must have a few screws loose, and a few more that weren't even there in the first place.

I made it out in one piece. The good news is that we had a lot of close friends there that knew my husband and this woman when they were together and through their divorce. They have good reasons for hating this woman. So I had a posse... and she got to hang out with the kids. Fair trade, I thought. The bitch hardly said a word to me, but the few that she did, I was polite. She said "could this be any more awkward?" and I told her "yes, yes it could." Hey, that's polite! I was nice enough to leave off the part about HOW it could be more awkward. Everyone could have told her what they thought about her. I am nice to this woman for no benefit of my own, but for my family. My step daughter doesn't need to be caught in the middle of a cat fight and my husband is the one who has to deal with her the most. I'm a more understanding woman than most would be in my position, I've earned the right to complain a bit. Example: When she decided to (temporarily, thought I didn't know that at the time) leave her boyfriend, I opened up my home and invited her to stay with us until she found a job and a place to live. That fell through, she went crawling back to him, but I was willing to do it. I felt the same way about her then as I do now. But it wasn't about me at that point, it was about my step daughter. But yeah... that's about 1% of the background of my relationship with her. I don't feel like going into the rest.

I've never been so happy to come home and do absolutely nothing. My nap on the couch almost had me 100% recovered.

Facebook Games: Dumb and Dumber

I'm going to pick up where I left off with my Facebook dos and don'ts. But I'm going to talk about one big annoyance rather than a whole list of them. These big status update games have got to go. Bra colors, where you put your purse, changing pictures to cartoon characters, messaging numbers to people to get them to tell you how they really feel about you... it's getting old. Really old.

It started with the damn bra colors for breast cancer awareness. I didn't fully understand the point of this. We're women, we have boobies. Of course we're against breast cancer. And I'm pretty sure 99% of the adult population is aware of breast cancer. Awareness isn't the goal, raising funds for research and to help find a cure is. How does me announcing my bra color to the world affect that? I participated in Walk for the Cure this year, and it's events like that that make a difference in stopping breast cancer. Sharing intimate details about my unmentionables doesn't make a difference. And the purse thing from this year? What does my purse and where I like to put it have with my boobies? If people just want to play these games, that's fine, but don't go claiming that it's for a good cause.

This cartoon character thing was very similar. Kind of redundant, actually. Very few people are actually going to be for child abuse. And if they are, do you really think they are going to label themselves by not changing their picture to make a statement? Nope. I saw a few people update their statuses encouraging others to change their pictures too and it said "every picture that's changed stops one child from being abused." Umm... forgive me but I don't get it. How is me changing my picture going to make some douchebag somewhere stop hitting his kid? It's not. It's bullshit. I mean, it was a sweet thought to change pictures to speak out against it, but not effective. I am all about volunteering and speaking out against things I feel are wrong, but these little Facebook games just aren't effective. Again, if you just want to do it for fun, do it. Don't go claiming it's for something special.

And last night this new thing started... Ugh. People were posting numbers and special messages for specific, unnamed people on their statuses. Apparently you send a random number to a person through a message and that person is supposed to post the number and their true feelings about you. I'm glad I never got one, I would have had fun with it and posted something like "4298: You're a douche. Everyone knows your a douche. Stop being so douchey." How about this, how about you send the response back in a private message!! If I don't know who or what you're talking about, I don't care to read it. Stop raping and trashing my news feed!! This stupid game blatantly violates my Facebook rules no. 1 & 2- Avoid "this is about YOU, but I'm not going to use your name" status updates and avoid status updates that are just notes to a specific person. Geez, people...

These aren't necessarily bad ideas, just poorly thought through ones. There was a twist on the concept of the cartoon pictures thing for Veteran's day and in my opinion, that was a MUCH better use of Facebook to make a point. People were changing their profile pictures to include a veteran close to their heart and I thought this was FANTASTIC!! There's really nothing to speak out for or against in this instance, it's just a really sweet way of saying "I love this person and they make me proud!" Take notes! This is how it's done! The doppelganger thing was good too, because it wasn't masquerading as something else. Saying "Hey, this is who I think I look like" can be entertaining at times. Bottom line: Facebook status/picture games are dumb. Wanna play a long, drawn out, boring game that loves to overstay it's welcome? Play Monopoly.

On a side note, I really do love to play Monopoly... Oh the irony!

Another Day at the Office

I realize that this blog has become a place for me to rant about my job, which I know probably makes for oh-so-stimulating reading. Yuck. But at the present, it's my favorite thing to rant about. So Merry Christmas to you too!

I have an "office," A.K.A. glorified cubicle. It's just a cubicle, but what makes mine glorified is that it's a lot bigger than most and has a pretty view. And for those of you who have lived on Mars your whole life and haven't seen a cubicle before, they don't have doors. Doors are such a valuable, precious commodity in this world and I've decided that there just aren't enough of them. Because people will come and stand in my "gap posing as doorway" and just stare. Which is fine, if I don't have a customer or if I'm off the phone. But if that's not the case... RUDE!!! If you go to the doctor, would you get upset if someone just came up and stood in the door waiting to get the doctor's attention? Especially if you have your junk hanging out? Um, yup. That's pretty disgusting to think about... Ew. Sorry mental picture people. People treat their money the same way they treat their hoohah. They don't like Hover McGee hanging around listening to them talk about their finances. And some just stand there for like 10 minutes!!! And I don't feel like a total bitch for ignoring them either because let's be honest- they'd get pissed if I went interrupting their time to deal with other customers. Undivided attention, people. We all want it. We like being the center of attention, it's human nature!

Another thing about my job I took notice of today... They've blocked YouTube!! They blocked Facebook last year, now they've blocked one of my last few forms of entertainment. Not that I spent all day on these websites, I still did my job when we had them, however it was nice to be able to take a second or two during my day for myself. This company has decided my sanity is not a priority, so we'll see how they like it when I make it my life's purpose to poo in every corner of the building I can find and run around like a naked baby while eating cardboard. At least this is what I imagine happens when responsible adults lose their minds. There are some blocked websites that I just don't fully understand the point of blocking. Email sites, like Gmail and Hotmail, are blocked. What is me checking my personal email at work going to hurt? They've just prompted me to use my work email for non-work related things. My entire family gets into these huge discussions all through work email. I'm good at tying up bandwidth, or whatever it is that stuff ties up. The email sites are actually functional to my customers, because sometimes the information I need to finish their transaction is in their email. No one ever believes me when I say that personal email is blocked, they just think I don't wanna share. That is NOT the case! That was the reason they couldn't check their email from my computer before it was blocked.

But yeah... this place is slowly making me want to shove my head in a meat grinder. And my boss wonders why I have a tendency to use up all my sick time throughout the year. I have to do his job AND mine, I get stressed out, stress leads to poor body function and ultimately, fatigue and lowered immunity. It's not exactly rocket science.

I'm Just a Big Ol' Doofus

I went to the very first First Friday at the new and improved Lox Salon on Friday night and it was awesome! I hadn't been to one in forever and I wouldn't miss this one for the world! That being said, it looks like that statement was put to the test by some higher power that night.

I work literally 5 minutes from the salon, and I headed that direction right after clocking out for the week. Apparently I missed a big memo about driving downtown that night- there was a Christmas parade. Oops, I guess that's what I get for not staying up with all the "family type" happenings of Knoxville. So I'm a crappy family person, sue me. I called Brynn to tell her I'd be there and she was super excited, I felt like such a good friend. And immediately like a pretty crappy friend for not having gone to one in forever. So anyway, here's where my determination was heavily tested- it took me 40 minutes to get there. In case you're illiterate to numbers, that's forty minutes. And parking was another story, there's a pay lot about 20 steps from the salon, so that's where I planned to park. I thought I was getting there early so I could beat the Friday night rush, go to Patrick Sullivan's for a quick beer and then head over. After realizing there's a parade going on and every single road I need to get there is blocked, I almost had to call Brynn back and cancel. For obvious reasons, I didn't want to do that. I finally found a parking lot about five minutes from the salon, not quite 20 steps, but it'll do. Or not- the spots were numbered and there were a few spots off to the side with black lines and no numbers. One would assume this is a no parking zone by those factors alone. If not, the lovely sign off to the right that says "No parking anytime, towing enforced" would do the trick. Other people did it, so it stands to reason that I did too. Paranoia set in big time. Worries about towing, ugly yellow boots and tickets began plaguing me almost immediately. I figured the parade could cause the situation to go one of two ways- first, because of the parade, the cops would have bigger fish to fry than my measly invented parking spot or two, the cops would have a field day with the parking because of the parade and would be out for blood. I chanced it. Truthfully, I couldn't have missed this event and it was worth the cost of a parking ticket to me.

The fun started when I got there. The parade started and some of us stood outside watching this nonsense go marching by. We had a big ol' barrel of monkeys laughing at the random people waving from the floats and waved back, yelling "Do I know you??" Oh dear, red wine, champagne and public events don't go together. And for some reason, I kept wanting to cry. I hate parades with a passion. Wanna know why? Because I was required to attend every single one in my hometown for 8 straight years. My brother's participating in the marching band was my first reason for going and then my own band mistake and dance team years took over from there. I hate parades. But for some reason, the nostalgia was overwhelming. Maybe because of the sentiments with Brynn's new salon helped with that, but I couldn't figure out why something I hate so much could cause me to be so emotional. Weird. The parade ended and I had the marvelous idea to move my car to a better spot as the traffic lightened up a bit. Background fact: The new Lox has stairs. The old one did not. Another factoid: I was wearing new heels. 4 inches of new heels, to be exact. So who decided it'd be quicker to take a tumbly down the stairs? Me. It hurt. Surprisingly my pride was pretty well intact afterwards. I landed on my feet and took a note from an old friend by pronouncing to the world "I'm OK!" to make it a tad funnier to those who saw it. I hate the "OMG are you okay?" questions because in reality, they are just doing it to make themselves feel better about laughing. Admit it, we all do it. We ask "are you okay?" and after the "yeah" comes, we think to ourselves "good, that makes me feel so much better about laughing at your clumsy ass." Yup, it hurt. Gots me a nice swollen bruise on my shin to show for it. But what did I do after the fact? Called my bestie to tell him alllll about it. Because I was laughing too!! Good thing I limped over there when I did, too. They were starting to tow when I got there. So after moving my car to one of those spots without black lines and with numbers, I went to pay for my parking spot at the little machine. I had to type in the number of my spot to prepay for it. It said there were no available rates for the spot. Maybe the person who parked there before me paid for a longer amount of time than they stayed, that was the only thing I could think of. So I moved my car, same result. I came to the conclusion that I am an idiot. I looked at the sign posted next the machine to pay and sure enough, city ordinance requires that all city lots be free for the nights and weekends. I thought for a second and realized it was indeed night time, and a weekend. I'm so observant. Not.

Talk about jumping through some hoops just to keep my word to a friend... I'm so glad I went, because it was a wonderful night, but OMG... I could have done without the traffic, injuries and illegal acts to get there. Just sayin'.

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful, it was a great night, but I hung up my doofus gloves for the remainder of the evening. The older I get, the more I realize how much I enjoy laughing at myself. Maybe this is the beginning stages of senility. Old people aren't nuts, they just realize how ridiculous it is to care about how you look and what everyone else thinks. It's much more fun to just enjoy the humor in it.

Top 10 of 2010

2010 is officially on its way out the door. I have to say, this year wasn't anywhere near as bad as 2009, 2008 and especially 2007. I was trying to design my super cute Christmas cards online the other day and it was about my top 10 moments of 2010. After trying every memory-stimulating technique known to man, I finally came up with 10 and I realized that this year was actually a pretty fanfreakingtastic year for me. And you know me... I'm gonna share.

1. No question about my number one moment of 2010- Jordan and I got hitched! We spent a year and half planning it and it took half a day to come and go. It was a beautiful wedding and it was small- the way I wanted it. I'm used to having a HUGE family and having people there that just take up space and eat the food just isn't my thing.
2. Big moment number 2- The Honeymoon!!! Many of you might be thinking this should be under the same listing as the wedding. Nope!!! 10 days in paradise deserve it's own listing! Isla Mujeres is officially my go-to vacation spot. The hotel was amazing, the island was beautiful and I had the best time of my life! I can't wait to go back!
3. Papa Ford and Stephen's motorcycle trip to Knoxville is a big one for me! We went to a rally in Chattanooga, the Jack Daniels Distillery and rode the Dragon's Tail in Gatlinburg. My butt has never been so sore but it was SO worth it! And these are two of my most favorite men in my life so it couldn't have been a better week!
4. Elizabeth is turning five this year, and that's going to be a big one! We're having the party at Chuck E Cheese's in two weeks and she's super pumped! Her mom is coming, which I'm less than excited about, but it's for Elizabeth and she almost never has both parents in the same place. It's a big year for her so why not...
5. My big brother finally married Emily! That was an awesome wedding!! I've never cried at a wedding before, not even my own. I boohooed my little heart out. My brother and I are much closer than most siblings and I've never trusted girls to treat him right because they never have. I'm glad Emily proved me wrong on that note, I was a heartbeat away from locking him in a box before she came along.
6. Our St. Patty's Day party!!! This is officially an annual thing now! It was awesome, I cooked a bunch of traditional Irish food, including homemade Irish Cream!! The green beer idea sorta fizzled, note to self- liquid drop food coloring, NOT gel. Brynn and I invented "champ-pong" because the idea of beer at this point was less than appetizing. It was a blast!
7. Jordan and Elizabeth got to take an impromptu trip to Wichita Falls, TX to see his grandmother and some of his family. He loves all of his family, but he really has a special bond with Grandma Egg and she couldn't make it to the wedding. He had a great time and I'm glad that he got the chance to go, one of those things that makes my heart smile.
8. Jordan went to California for the first time ever! I'd been several times in my life and always took that for granted. He didn't, he was STOKED about the trip! He taught me to appreciate the little things.
9. I made a bunch of new friends this year! We've already made tons of good memories and there are still many more to come!
10. Umm... who says I need 10?? I still have 31 days left of the year, something big and exciting is bound to happen!!

I've already got boo coos of stuff planned for 2011 that I'm already looking forward to, but we'll come back to that in about a year or so! I'm not a superstitious person, but I don't want to jinx anything! If all goes as planned, 2011 will have me bouncing off the walls! (More so than usual, anyway...)

We Need New Role Models!!!!!

Yep, it's a two post kinda day for me. While we're on the oh-so-lovely subject of finance from this morning, I'd like to share a bit of news I just read on Google News- The Kardashian pre-paid debit card marketed to teens has been cancelled. Only two words come to mind...

THANK GOD!!!

This was such a bad idea, these are not the kind of girls you want influencing your kids. They may not be bad people, but certainly not who come to mind when I try to think of good financial role models. Didn't Kim have a shopping addiction at one point? Hmm... Yeah, let's let them teach kids how to balance a check book. That sounds smart.

Not only was this a dumb idea before the details were even finalized, it was so much more expensive than it was worth. Started at $99.95 for a year or $59.95 for six months, then $7.95 per month after that. Now let's think about this for a second... the whole point of this card was to teach teenagers how to manage their money. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't part of having good financial habits saving money where you can? These fees were MUCH higher than other pre-paid cards and even full service bank accounts. The message about these cards was not "use our card to help build solid banking habits and learn how to make good financial decisions." No, no... it was more like "pay us lots of money to use our card with our pretty, pretty pictures on it so you can pretend to be one of the cool kids and spend your allowance in plastic form." Apparently there were text features that kids could check their balances on, and again, not encouraging saving money. I pay for the unlimited text add on with Verizon for this purpose, and I get my money's worth. I makes me some good money choices, ma! Most people don't have this, especially parents of teenagers. Unlimited texts means unlimited distractions. So when they get all excited and check their balance after every purchase, they just spent $20 to check their balance 10 times in one day. Good managing of finances, I think not.

Here's another part of this that's just beyond me... if you're a high profile, good role model celebrity, you know it. If they had a Natalie Portman pre-paid card or a Kate Hudson pre-paid card, I could see that. Where are those cards? Those would be handy. And they probably wouldn't cost an arm and a leg to have. The Kardashians HAVE to know that they aren't America's favorite sisters. More like America's favorite eye-roll. Their show is appropriately titled, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. This just screams "high-strung." I'm sorry but I have enough trouble keeping up with my own family, why would I want to keep up with yours? No thanks.

I Love My Job. I Love My Job. I Love My Job. {Sigh} I Hate My Job

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged... I know, I know, I'm disappointed in myself too. I was doing so well! Truthfully, I haven't had too much to write about. Actually, scratch that. I haven't had too much to write about that hasn't involved people around me that probably wouldn't want to read about their shenanigans and exactly how I really feel about said shenanigans all over my blog.

Thanksgiving was great, until the day after. I have to work Black Friday every year. It's not so bad, in my line of work, it's actually the slowest day of the year for us. But the 5 or so customers I did help that day were in a crappy mood. I was actually in a great mood myself that day, I shopped online, put up our rather pitiful display of a Christmas tree for the bank and on top of it all, it was a Friday. I'm always great on Fridays. Would have been nice if it was the same for everyone else. What is it about the holidays that make people grow horns and tails? Come on people... it's not even about the presents for me, I don't like spending the money. I just enjoy putting up my decorations and cooking and spending time with family. That's what it's about, isn't it? I guess not like that for everyone.

Which brings me to an incident today that made me quit my job for all of 5 minutes. This guy wanted fee refunds. Oh joy oh joy. Now here's my deal about fees- very rarely are they in bank error. I can honestly say that in my 5+ years in this industry I have seen one, maaaybe two instances where fees just popped up without reason. This, my friends, is truly bank error. But it NEVER happens. Don't get me wrong, I hate my job and can't wait to get out of this blood sucking industry. I'm one of the good guys, but even I can't deny that true bank error chances are slim to none. And this job has ruined me to the point where when someone sits down at my desk and starts with, "It's really a funny story, actually..." I know it will be anything but funny. It's probably going to be quite the opposite.

So anyway, this guy. We offer these handy-dandy online alerts that send you emails when your balance falls below a certain level, if a direct deposit posts, and so on and so forth. These are TOOLS, people! Not a "solve-everything-in-the-world" excuse for not balancing your checkbook. This guy swore he didn't get his alert email so the fees were in bank error. ?!?!?! Right. And I know there are plenty of well educated, reasonable people reading this that would probably agree with me that his point is balderdash. If his Internet was down and couldn't get to his email, he wouldn't get that one either. Would that be bank error? Umm... no. Let me be clear, I love technology, but it doesn't solve all problems. How many times have we sent emails that just never went? Be honest- it happens. But even then- these alerts won't go until after all the transactions have posted. Banking isn't real-time. I wish it was, that would be nice. My first questions for him as a banker? Do you keep a register? No. Do you check your account online? No. Do you ever call to check your balance over the phone? No. So this guy was using this tool and ONLY this tool to keep track of his accounts. I may be over-paranoid because of my job but this is not enough. Why do people so clearly ignore what's going on with their money? It's beyond me. This guy ultimately gets pissy with me and walks off. Riiiight. People just don't get it- fee refunds are like band aids. I have PLENTY of stuff I can give you to prevent this from happening again. Think long term! But noooo... people don't want prevention, they want band aids. Would you just run around like a damn fool and skin your knee 24/7 and keep slapping band aids on it? Nope, you'd stop running around like a damn fool. Same concept, and not a difficult one at that. Oh, and said guy insisted on telling me I know nothing before storming out of my office like a 2 year old. Um... ok?

Which brings me to another point- why do people annoy the individuals who handle their money? Let me be clear, I am not one of those employees who would actually mess with people's money out of retaliation. It's like spitting in people's food if you work in food service. I could never bring myself to do that, no matter how badly I wanted to. But still, it should be pretty basic common sense to treat these types of customer service representatives nicely. I guess it's not. Maybe this should be a class that's covered in schools. That, and basic banking. Maybe sex ed should wait a year or so and be replaced with these.

Me Vs. Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! This was quite an interesting day for me, considering I was cooking for 3 people and didn't have my mom to help me with the turkey.

No, this was not my first Thanksgiving to cook, but it was my first to cook a turkey all by me onesy. I was scared out of my mind. I'm not a bad cook by any means, I'm actually rather good, mostly because I'm not scared to try new recipes. Almost nothing intimidates me in cooking. Except turkeys. Those are my Achilles heel in the kitchen. I felt like I constantly called my mom, "breast up or breast down?" "how long do I cook this for?" "how do I know when it's done?" It actually turned out fabulous! My husband said it was the best he ever had, and in the off chance I'd thought he was lying, that suspicion would have been quickly squashed when I heard the noises he made while he was eating it. Almost left him for a minute alone with the turkey, sounded like he needed it.

In the past, I've always made Cornish hens in lieu of a turkey because I've never been feeding enough people to merit a turkey. Or so I said. I'll admit, I was just scared. This has certainly changed my outlook on holiday cooking.

We had another holiday cooking first today. I did NOT fillet any of the fingers on my left hand this time. That's good news, and a big improvement from cooking for previous holidays. St. Patty's, Thanksgiving, I'll always manage to mangle my hand in some way or another. That's a big improvement considering I used the knife that I've had the most disagreements with. Maybe it finally got tired of the taste of my blood. Either way, I'm glad I'm band aid free.

I did miss my family and the big Thanksgivings that we always had growing up, but I can honestly say that might not happen again. I don't see Thanksgiving as a holiday worth traveling for, not that I need a really good reason to see my family. I just don't see driving/flying to eat a big dinner, take a nap and then come home. With Christmas in such close proximity, I really just can't bring myself to travel for this rather fattening holiday. Which is fine, I don't have to hide behind the Cornish hens anymore. I'll just go with the turkey... I got this! ;-)

Press "1" If You Hate Your Job

I work for a rather large, very annoying multi-national corporation. That's all you need to know. And I really don't like my job. Let me be clear, I like my customers. Some get under my skin and misdirect their rather entertaining anger at me, but I need them, they provide my paycheck. The company itself is my problem.

Today's hardship? Phone calls. People that come to see me to solve their problems don't realize that I can do very little. My super-duper, solve-all-problems tool? My telephone. I have a LONG list, a Rolodex and a colorful collection of Post-It's ALL over my desk because these are my lifelines to solve my customer's problems. Which is fine, I really don't have a problem sitting on hold while I'm at work. What else do I have to do? Work? Psshh. My problem begins when I look at my handy dandy list of short cuts to get a hold of a specific department. After dialing 0, then 4 twice, then running around the building and then hopping on one foot, they just turn around and transfer me again. And then these department reps talk to me like I'm the crazy one for calling the wrong department. Umm, yeah. I have a list. It tells me where to go. It told me so, but apparently this widely distributed, highly in-demand list is wrong. I think my personal record for being transferring the most times is 10 or 11. Just to resolve one customer's issue.
And here's the scary part- I have shortcuts and resources because, DUH, I work here. Again, I have my LONG list, a Rolodex and a colorful collection of Post-It's ALL over my desk. How do customers handle it?? I guess they don't, this is probably why they come in to see me and have me jump through those hoops. I don't blame them, really. I'd do the same thing. It's not like they haven't tried. I had a customer who had taken notes on her hand from a conversation trying to resolve her own problem and ended up with an arm full of writing. I asked who she'd talked to in a certain department and what they'd said and she had to look at the outside of her elbow to answer it. Insane. But coincidentally, that was the high point of my week.

But yeah. That's a big part of my job. I've learned to live with it, but still... I will not miss it when I'm finished with school and leave this not-so-fine establishment.

Eenie Meenie Miney WTF?!

Oye vey. What with sleeping through my alarm this morning (it's another coffee day for me) and recovering from the drama this weekend, I'm drained. I usually spend my mornings surfing through Google news looking at random tidbits that toot my flute.

Justin Bieber is alll over it this morning. If I could throw Google news in the trash right now, I would. I hate this kid. Sure he can sing... until he hits puberty. He'll be like the one-hit wonder on crack, considering he's had maybe 3 or 4. He's overstayed his welcome bigtime. I don't consider the ability to croon repetitive, get stuck in your head songs like a 10 year old choir boy to be that noteworthy. I can't even get past the stupid haircut- looks like a helmet. Sure, he's not that bad at singing but the first time I heard him, I thought he was a girl. There is something wrong with this. Maybe it's appropriate then that he's coming out with women's perfume.

For anyone reading this thinking I'm just jealous, you're waaay off. Sure, he's got boo coos of money and is one of pop's favorite stars right now, but it's short lived. Young singers who are good never last that long. Why would I want 15 minutes of fame that lasts almost literally 15 minutes? Look at Billy Gilman. He was great when he first came out, but once he started getting older, he went poof. Not really a bad thing, that kid gave me the creeps. And from my observations, the faster you rise, the faster you fall. This Bieber character was quite literally an overnight star. Take Rihanna for example. She was almost the same way. Almost. She came out with some popular music, kids and adults liked it, but then she kinda coasted for a while. Her agents didn't shove her down our throats around every corner. Now she's Beyonce's only competition, in my opinion. That takes strategy. Now she's pumping out hits left and right and ya know what? She's good. Very good. Because here's another point about the music part of this. Rihanna's music was the kind that could be appreciated by all ages. Justin Bieber's music is really for teens and under only. Baby and Eeenie Meenie are NOT adult caliber songs. He'll be at that age in a few years where that is just the crowd he has to cater to. I don't think that will be an easy transition for him. Whoever is responsible for this needs to realize that when a singer ages, so do their fans, and they have to be able to grow with that. Sorry pedophiles, he won't be 12 forever. Another reason why my theory stands that he won't last long... how many adult white men are in R&B, Hip Hop and Rap? Eminem is the only name that comes to mind, maybe it's because I'm trying to think of names and they just aren't coming to me. The adult white male solo artists usually have something to them that makes them different. John Mayer plays the Fender Strat like nobody's business, Michael Buble gives us new age stuff with a classic sound and Rob Thomas used Matchbox 20 to get where he is before he went solo. Notice, none of these guys are in any of the previously mentioned genres. They are not easy to break into and even harder to stay in. Period.

And another aspect of this kid that I am just not buying... if he weren't famous, he'd be the joke of the day for everyone around him. NO ONE dresses like that every day in the real world. And he's not that good-looking either. It's amazing what a record deal and a couple of pop songs can do for a person. Then again, Owen Wilson is another excellent example of this. He'd be such a goober, and not the good kind, if he didn't have talent.

Enough Drama For 2010

OK so last night sucked. It was fun, up until a certain point. It was intense.
I went out with a good friend from work, another friend who is an old Army buddy of my husband's, my bestie and his boyfriend. And a douchebag. He decided he likes my friend who is the old Army buddy, we'll call her "Lollapalooza." She wants to just be friends, which she'd made perfectly clear. He comes out with us anyway and is one cocky mother fudger the whole night. Interrupting people and talking like he knows everything. Some of the most annoying traits possible. We made it the nights mission to get rid of him, whether it be lose him on the road or leave and go somewhere else without telling him. So Lollapalooza has one too many and my friend from work pairs up with me to try to get her to not drive. After about 30-45 minutes of struggling with her, we give up. I have a strong belief that adults should be in control of themselves and we all live with our choices. So this guy starts calling me a shitty friend, because I'm not forcing her. I told him I am not her mother and have no control over her, and that I tried but I can only do so much. His response? This apparently means that I don't care. I tell him that I do care and he doesn't know me so he should shut up the you-know-what up or get the you-know-what out, that he wasn't wanted there in the first place. Hey, I'm an honest person. He walks away. Point taken. Or so I thought...

Douchebag comes back and sits on the bench at the opposite end of me. I walk over and tell him as nicely but firmly as I could, "Did you misunderstand? You're no longer welcome in this group. I can't make you leave but you need to leave us alone." Something to that effect, there was probably more profanity than that. I do vividly recall being careful with my choice of words. Oh, and I left out the part about him taking advantage of Lollapalooza while she's at the peak of inebriation. Big no-no in my book. His response... "I can buy and sell you and your whole stupid family, you fat ass whore." Ummm... excuse me? Now let's pause the story for a second- what does having money have to do with this?? Alright, you've got money... random, but ok. Good for you, do you want a scooby snack? None of us that were there could wrap our heads around this, during or after. But anywho... he called me a bad name. One I don't take to hearing very well. I slapped him. Yeah, I'd been dealing with him for about 6 hours at this point against my will, so it was overdue. My bestie and his boyfriend pop up just in time to hold me back. I'm not able to do anything to him at this point, but for some reason he decides to take it a step further anyway. He hits me in the throat. Yeah... for those of you who haven't noticed, I am a girl. I can take a hit, but I shouldn't have to. Hitting this guy was a first for me, and I did go through my options in my head. He deserved it. Period. The security guards get involved and after some serious he-said, she-said, he is escorted out. I wish I could say the story stops here.

We leave about 30 minutes later and when I get to my car, I get the urge to check it. Good thing I did. The bastard had keyed my trunk. I love my car, you don't mess with the Cap'n. How do I know it was him? I put my purse in my trunk when I go out, this night was no exception. It wasn't there earlier and it'd be a huge coincidence if the one night I have a major altercation, my car gets keyed by some random stranger. He also knew what kind of car I drove because everyone had followed me there and we all parked in a row. Not a hard thing to figure out. I filed a police report, which I am well aware, is a dead end. But I did in anyway, and the physical assault part of it is in there. Again, dead end. But I felt better.

Here's where the funny shit started happening. While I'm on hold with the PD about my report, my work friend is standing next to me. She left her keys in the car and the door open. We see this guy walk over to her car, get in and shut the door. Not believing what we're seeing, we run over and open the door. Leave it to me, while I'm feeling mouthy, to tell him to get the you-know-what out of the car. He looks at me and throws his hands up like I'm crazy. He has her phone in his hand, just making his drunk ass at home. Oh. My. God. After my apparently-necessary explanation that this car was not his, he gets out, walks about 40 feet away, turns around, and starts yelling at me calling me a bitch. I was super popular last night, that's for sure.

A few things I want to make note of. First, should I have slapped this guy? Most probably not. It wasn't a good decision, I'll admit that. Did he deserve it? Absolutely. Men need to learn that you don't talk to women that way, no matter how much of a bitch she is. I'm good at that, I know this about myself. But  again, I won't whip out that part of my personality if it isn't deserved. Second, was I right about backing off of my friend to let her drive drunk? We've all been in this position and I can't say I was right, but I can honestly say that I did what I could. I loves me some Lollapalooza, but she's one tough girl and I wasn't about to get into a wrestling fight with her for her keys. She'd have won. She was in the Army, for Christ's sake! She was trained to beat me, and why fight a losing battle? We've learned for next time. I have enough people close to me who have had DUI's to know that you cannot force an adult to do anything. It is their choice. After over a half an hour of trying to reason with an intoxicated friend, anyone would give up. I did the very best I could with what I had. Anyone who criticizes my choices for how I handled this evening needs to ask themselves... would you have been able to do any differently?

COFFFEEEEE!!!!!

OK so I NEVER drink coffee, and guess what I brought with me to work today?? COFFEE!! So be prepared for a super wired, jacked up post.

I like talking about my pet peeves, because it's fun. It's human nature to enjoy hating things from time to time. Let's talk about one I dealt with a lot today- people talking to me when I'm on the phone. No, I don't just sit at my desk on my cell phone and get pissed when customers come in and expect me to work. More times than I'd like to think about, when someone comes in with a problem, I have to call some other department to get it fixed. And people seem to think that I can listen to two people at once because I have two ears. It's even worse when I have to repeatedly remind these people that "I have difficulty with two conversations because I tend to mix it up and I don't want you to have to repeat yourself." Which is just my nice way of saying STFU. Some people just keeeeep on doing it. I don't like to be rude, but this crap makes it reeeeally hard not to be.

What makes this so much more annoying is call centers. People assume by coming in, I have this magical number that gets me to a person. The answer to that is no, I do not. I have to go through the same options as everyone else. Now I am better at our call centers than our customers because I use them more often. But I still get frustrated, I still get transferred, and I still have to press "1" for English. And these people get mad at me when all I do is call and tell them they are good to go. Because they came in just so I could make a phone call, "I could have done that from home." Of course you could have, silly goose. But you came here on your own accord, no one made you. Especially not me. I would rather you stay home. Please. I enjoy my sitting-on-my-butt time.

That's it for today. And I just reread this and GEEZ, I am HIIIIGH string today! Oh well... it's Friday.

Happy, Sappy News

What with Eva Longoria's divorce, the shooting the TV thing on Dancing With the Stars (something about Bristol Palin?) and Lindsay Lohan's mission for attention, let's talk about happy things in the news today!

Pink is preggers!! I didn't see that one coming either, but I'm not sure why. She's happily married and keeps outdoing herself! I LOVE Pink, she's badass. Literally, this is one woman I'd be scared to piss off. She's got an amazing voice and is a fabulous entertainer. And no, she isn't filtered. I know this because I saw her in concert waaaaay back when she was opening for N*Sync. This was not one of those touring together openers, it was more like a "2 or 3 songs and then booted off the stage" kinda opener. She wasn't special enough back then to waste money on for live filtering. Even so, she was a great performer back then too. Kind of a funky Inspector Gadget theme, but that was cool back then. I was 11, STFU.

Another piece of news that makes me all warm and tingly- Ryan Reynolds was named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine. It's ABOUT DAMN TIME!! That man is so gorgeous... cue the ending of Wolverine: Origins. Need I say more? In all actuality, that actor wasn't him but I don't care. It was him in my head and I fail to see the difference. Back to my point: I find this well-deserved title pretty ironic because his wife was named Sexiest Woman of the Year a while back, only to be retracted later when a poll was actually done and a shocking majority of men said "um, no!" I don't hear anyone fighting Ryan Reynolds' glory now, must make her feel like ass. She should, she's not exactly sex on a stick.

And congrats are in order for Prince Willy and Miss Kate! How exciting, they have been inching towards a marriage for what, 3 years now? I thought they were already engaged but umm... I lied? He gave her his mama's engagement ring, and for anyone reading this after being in a coma for 15 years, Princess Di died in 1997. This Kate Middleton character is probably scared out of her booties wearing this ring. It's this pretty big ol' honkin' oval sapphire surrounded by diamonds and apparently it's the center of the universe in the UK. Can you blame them? Most of the world hasn't gotten over her death yet. And this huge piece of history is on one person's finger... talk about pressure. I'd put that sucker in a vault surrounded by a mote with sharks with freakin' laser beams on their heads. I can't even keep my own shit in order, much less this treasured artifact once worn by one of the world's favorite people. More power to Kate if she can manage to not drop it down the sink. I'd love to see that conversation- "Umm.... honnney?? Can you swim across the Atlantic and then call me so I can tell you something?"

I occasionally have to look up happy news to perk myself up, on days much like today. Not that it brings me joy to see others having a grand ol' time, but because I take pleasure in fast forwarding to the future and the negative news I'll read on these same topics. I'm such a negative nelly. :-)

iPoop

I'm a big time Apple fan. I've got an iPod, an iTouch, a Macbook and an iMac, which is just a fancy, cryptic way of saying "desktop." When Verizon FINALLY gets the iPhone, as they've been promising for years that they will, I'll have one of those. If it's made by Apple, chances are I'll definitely consider buying it. I don't even like buying Apple products from a non-official store. But even my undying faith to this company can't convince me to buy one of these new idiotic contraptions called an "iPad."

I have several reasons for not wanting this not-miniature-enough-to-throw-in-my-purse, portable touch screens. In the rare instances that my iTouch isn't enough, there are few places that I cannot take my Macbook to do the job. There's almost nothing that this thing can do that a laptop or and iWhatever can't do. What was the initial "We need something that can do this!" thought that spurred the invention of this... thing?

My biggest pet peeve about the iPad is that it gives my customers one more thing to do at my desk to ignore me. I have a hard enough time keeping people focused with cell phones, this has just made my job SOOO much easier. I had to ask someone a question 3 times today... 3 times!!! All because he was typing away at his iStupidthing.

This has created a whole new breed of technology junkies. Laptop people and iPad people are NOT the same. Like milk and creamer... looks the same but not the same, not even close. I'll give you an example. Laptop people do not complain when a business doesn't have WiFi. They know where to go for it. Panera, Starbucks, the library. These people are resourceful. iPad users, on the other hand... Oye. They come to the bank and get mad at ME personally because we don't have WiFi. Um, here's a good question- why would you expect us to? Do you see people just chillin' in the lobby with their fancy coffee? Nope. We are a bank. We give you a safe place to keep your money. We already have enough people who make themselves at home at least 2 or 3 days a week, like we need any more motivation for idiots to just hang out here. Get real. I have seen one instance where an iPad was potentially helpful, the lady had some major identity theft and was taking notes on the notepad app of all the hoops she'd have to jump through to get it fixed. The notes were was illegible and she kept messing up and having to delete it and start over. Witnessing this obvious struggle, I just passed her a Post-It pad and smiled. I love being a smart ass, it's a happy life.

Jessica Simpson and Who????

Just read on Google news that Jessica Simpson just got engaged to some bloke named Eric Johnson. The only description of him is that he's an "ex-football player." Doesn't say he was NFL or anything. Hmm... I have no idea who this guy is. I find it strangely suspicious that this is oh-so-closely following her ex-husband Nick Lachey's recent engagement. Supposedly she said just last month that this Eric character is "just a friend." It's almost like she heard about Nick's upcoming nuptials and scrambled for someone to marry so she could be engaged too. How dare he get remarried before her, what nerve. Ugh. She could have just made another reality show for it, Who Wants to Be a Newlywed? It would have certainly turned some spotlights (albeit, negative ones) in her direction for the first time in years. I looked at the grand total of 6 pictures of Jessica and Eric together and they do NOT look like they are in love. I'll give them this, they do look like a couple, but not one about to walk down the aisle by any means. I hate keeping up with celebrity relationships. I can never tell how much of it is publicity and how much are real relationships. Some are just too perfect or crazy or convenient to be anything but fake.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are an excellent example of this. I don't know how much more I can say about these two that hasn't already been said. He's batshit crazy. She doesn't appear to be that happy, nowhere near the state of ecstasy she was in when they first met. Welcome to the real world, toots. He's become a quite outspoken yutz and I have a theory that he's struggling with the fact that he's not the hot young stud he was a million years ago. Most people can agree that we can watch Top Gun and War of the Worlds back to back and see a HUGE difference, like it's a completely different actor. I think that Katie just married him to live out the dream most girls born in the 70's and 80's had- grow up and marry Tom Cruise. Childhood infatuations should stay in the past, because this has obviously not panned out the way she'd thought it would. Duh. I wanted to grow up and be a unicorn, and needless to say, my goals have changed a bit since then.

And a more recent marriage that has my mind in a tizzy is Russell Brand and Katy Perry. Honestly, a cute couple and they are both a little kooky so it could work but this relationship has me singing "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" in my head anyway. They didn't seem to be together that long before the engagement and these two strike me as nothing if not impulsive. They clearly love attention, so what could be better than getting it by marrying an equally flamboyant counterpart? The really good thing they have going for them is that so far, they've kept things pretty private. Spotlights and marriages don't like each other, it's been proven. They mixed spotlights and wedding rings together in little test tubes and surprise, they blew up.

I really do feel for celebrities, because going back to my views on the show Teen Mom, it's hard to have a healthy relationship with everyone watching. Not only are you being pulled in 10 different directions with fans, promotional events, award shows and actually working, the few seconds you're given alone each day are usually spent wiping your ass. Marriage is tough enough in the normal, average world us ordinary paupers live in. Add boo coos of money, personal assistants, millions of adoring fans and agents telling you what to do and where to be and it'd be a straight up nightmare.

Remind Me Again Why Advertising is Hard??

There are some pretty dumb commercials airing right now, as usual. Ones that make me wonder why advertising is such a glorified industry. I mean, generate interest in the product, that's it. You're done. It seems like they are going for memorable above anything else, but that's not necessarily a good thing. I remember plenty of stupid shit I've seen over the years, doesn't mean I'm going to do it simply off the basis of remembering it.

We'll start with one that's been around a while. The Kia Soul commercials. Ugh. When did hamsters become good spokespeople? The first one with them kinda made sense, hamsters running in their wheels all over the place and then some driving by in a Kia Soul, symbolizing the rest of us just driving and not enjoying and appreciating the full experience of vehicle. Blah blah blah. But the new one with the hamsters wearing clothes pointing at cars and toasters to rap music. WTF?? I can't really go much further than that. It's dumb. Memorable and dumb. I am no more enticed to buy this car than I was before. Kia- you wasted a lot of money on this commercial. Someone needs to be fired.

The McRib commercial is another one. It really doesn't seem that bad at first, but after 10 times, it seems a little... off. They had to go and ruin a great Matt White song because now there's 25 seconds I want to skip through every time I listen to it now. People being in LOVE with a sandwich?? Umm... no. I like food as much as the next person, but I'm not about to start singing sappy ballads about it. It makes me think these people are kinda crazy, not that they are about to bite into a delicious sandwich. Makes no sense. These advertising executives need to add a new step to the process- sleep on it. It might not sound like such good marketing after all.

And the State Farm commercials! Those guys singing the song and their agent magically pops up and fixes everything. Any logical person in their right mind knows that this is impossible. So why advertise it like that. It's like saying "weelllll we KNOW it doesn't really work like this, but it's LIKE that." I don't want "like that," I want that to give me enough reason to go through the hassle of switching insurance companies. If it's not like that, it's not worth the effort. The guys they hired to do these commercials are pretty annoying. Not good salespeople.

I did see one commercial tonight that I have to say was the most effective one I've seen in a while. There's a polar bear in his natural habitat but then you see him traveling across the U.S. and he goes up to this guy getting in his car and gives him a hug. It's advertising an electric car by Nissan. I LOVED it! Tugs on your heartstrings, and you stay hooked because you wonder why this polar bear is making this pretty pointless journey out of his environment. I actually looked up the car after the commercial. It's a pretty hideous vehicle, to be honest, but my interest was piqued enough to go to the website. I'd say that's the sole point of commercials- generating interest. They got mine.

When Did Minutes Become Hours?

I just saw a commercial for this new contraption for doing laundry called the "Bounce Bar." It's a bar that sticks to the inside of your dryer so you don't have to use a dryer sheet every time. It lasts about four months. And the commercials portray these busy moms talking about how it's "one less thing to do" and "saves them so much time." Blah... blah... BLAH! This just screams that America wasn't lazy enough what with all the fat men looking for their remote before taking 3 steps to the TV and the use of calculators for basic addition problems. Someone had to go and think this one up. Sure, it's convenient but when I take the time to ponder how busy I am and think about ways to help, the two seconds it takes to grab a dryer sheet out of the box doesn't come to mind as something to be cut out. If those take too long, then we should just omit Kleenex and just blow our noses into the air. They work exactly the same as the dryer sheets! That'd be pretty convenient. Boogers all over the place, but convenient.

Technology is great but it's just created an epidemic of laziness. Things are never fast enough, never convenient enough. It can always be better, but you can only update things so much before it gets redundant. I refuse to buy one of those newfangled 3D TVs because the day after I buy one, they'll introduce boxes you set on the floor that project the 3D images all over the room.

I work at a bank, one that has these handy dandy ATMs that accept deposits without envelopes. They just read the checks and count the cash. Very cool concept. But people LOVE to complain about them anyway. We just had a system problem where ours was running pretty slow, not snail or turtle slow... just slowER. We never heard the end of it, at least until it was fixed. And my all time favorite ATM complaint... some of these ATMs we have in town will let you feed multiple checks in at the same time and it will read them all at once. Ours feeds them one at a time, but this girl comes in one day, makes it a point to see my boss to tell him that we need to put in one of the ATMs that takes multiple checks in one feed. Give. Me. A. Break. Is two more minutes at the machine, if that, really going to kill you? No. These other ATMs are drive through ones, so it makes sense to cut as much time out as possible to save on idling cars pumping more pollution into the air. At ours, you have to park in the garage and come inside to use it. You already had enough time to come in, so stop bitching.

I could really go on for days on these habits of laziness we've let ourselves fall into. In my opinion, technology was at it's finest back in the mid 20th century. Identity theft was almost unheard of, there were enough conveniences to make everyday life easier but not too easy and people had real conversations because the Internet wasn't an option to expedite things. People enjoyed speedy things but it didn't make them all pissy when they didn't get it. It just blows my mind about the things people get irritated about now. If I wait in a drive through for ten minutes, I don't let myself get upset about the wait. As long as the customer service is good and they don't ruin my order, I don't care. Life is either enjoyable or not, and I have a hard time believing that it's all centered around the few precious minutes that we spent waiting to get something accomplished.

My Knoxville Favorites

I'm feeling random today and on top of that, I'm having some major writer's block so I'm going to talk about my favorite places in Knoxville. Restaurants, night life, businesses, you name it.

1. My ALL TIME favorite place in Knoxville, my mecca is Lox Salon. Not just because the owner is one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world, but because they're good. Damn good. This was my salon first and foremost, the friendship just added a perk to it. The owner, Brynn, is this ultra trendy, social gal who knows her stuff. My biggest criteria about finding a stylist- it's about what the customer wants, not just what the stylist thinks looks good. She, and all her girls, for that matter, are fearless with color and know how to work a pair of scissors! Lox also sells some pretty cool jewelry and knickknacks by local artisans and hosts lost of social events. The first Friday of every month, aptly called "First Friday," Lox opens their doors to a local artist and lets them showcase their work. There's also clothing swaps, game nights, you name it! Not to mention the Saturday mimosas and PBRs! Mmm... I know where I'll be tomorrow. She's moving as of Dec. 1, so give her a call and make your appointment before the moving shenanigans start! 865-523-5569
2. Abuelo's... talk about some GOOD Mexican food. It's a chain, so I'm rather surprised at the fact that their food is so good. Next time you're in, ask for some infierno for your salsa. It's delicious and extra spicy! The ambiance is awesome, the music is (usually) pretty good. The servers are so nice and ultra-professional and the servings are HUGE!! Enough for a midnight snack and lunch the next day! It's almost gourmet Mexican food, and the prices are pretty reasonable. Not much more expensive than a visit to Chili's or Ruby Tuesday's. Ask for Salinas, she'll take good care of you! They're in Turkey Creek, across from the Pinnacle 18. You know where I'm going with that... dinner and a movie! And my ultimate favorite part about Abuelo's? A pitcher of Sangria Swirl... it's frozen Sangria and Margarita swirled together. I always make a mess pouring them into my glass but it's so worth it. Almost worth licking off the table...
3. MORE Mexican food! Soccer Taco in Market Square. There are other location, but I'm talking ONLY about the one in Market Square. Because there are two things that one has that the others don't. The first is Market Square (duh... LOTS of shoppping and fun stuff to do!) and the second is Chris. He's amazing, ask for him, tell him Mer sent you. He works Tuesdays and Thursdays and it's so worth going to work with a hangover the next morning after the bomb Margaritas. Write it down.
4. One word- Nostalgia. OK technically it's Nostalgia Market, but whatever. They are this AWESOME antique store that sells the coolest vintage stuff! I actually haven't had the chance to go, but my husband has and he can't say enough about it. Oh you have a thing about owls, do you? They have a corner called "Hooterville." Nothing but owl stuff! Their address is 5214 Homberg Dr. Plug that into your GPS and go now!!
5. Southbound in the Old City is my all time favorite place for a night out. They have 3 floors, the first is the biggest, with two bars and some pool tables in the back. They have TVs with music videos and play everything from 80's classics to current stuff. The second plays mostly hip hop from what I've noticed but it really depends on the DJ. It's also got some cool, lounge-ish couches and high top tables. The top floor is pretty well balanced as far as music goes but has these big ol' booth tables and a balcony. The only downer, not all the floors are open all the time. Fridays and Saturdays are the best times to go.
6. Speaking of the Old City, Urban Bar isn't a bad hangout either. They've got tables and chairs outside, a front room with plenty of tables, a couple of pool rooms, arcade games and a juke box. I've had many a good time getting wasted there. The bartenders are FABULOUS, I haven't been in forever but if Ashley and Nate are still there, you know it'll be a good night. I don't have as much time to go out as I used to but next time I go out, I'll have to pay them a visit.

Yup... so those are my favorites. This was probably my most boring post ever but if anyone got anything out of it then it's worth it. It's a Friday, I'm bored and slightly irritated. This is what you get today.

Welcome to Initech

I would love to sit down and calculate how much of my life I've lost with using and hearing filler words and expressions. I work with a lady who has an impressive ability to occupy about 75% of her dialogues with filler statements. It's pretty annoying, actually. "And all" is a complete thought with this woman. That's it... and all! And I can't believe how much that fact alone has made me hate her with a PASSION! I've almost made it part of my job description to loathe her with every fiber of my being. She works behind our teller line and at least a few times a day, I have to wait to see a teller. And as if waiting in that line for 10 minutes for a thirty second transaction isn't bad enough, I get to the front of the line and this woman looks straight at me and greets me with "Like that and stuff." ?!?!?!?!?!?! I know, it didn't make any sense to me either. I don't doubt that she's a nice lady underneath it all, but I can't seem to get past the fact that she has a "filler quota" to hit every day to get to know this nice person. That, and the fact that she's as absent minded as a toothpick. Now mind you, I didn't say she LOOKS like a toothpick... just that she has the brains of one. One of my closest friends used to work rather closely with her and she had a sudden attack of the conscience one day and decided to be nice to her and see what happens. She learned her lesson pretty quick. You just can't get past the annoyances to get to know that person. Maybe she likes it that way and this entire thing has been one big scheme to get people to leave her the &%$* alone! And OhEmGee! She's in a supervisory position, and that's another fact of the day that I can never seem to come close to wrapping my head around. People have to go to this woman for instructions. I feel so sorry for them, because I can't imagine having to pick the actual assignment out of the "and alls" and "stuff like thats." I'd kill someone. She's like Nina from Office Space... I only know her name because you hear her answer the phones like a bajillion times throughout the movie.

"ThankyouforcallingaccountspayableNinaspeaking...JUST a moment!" At first, it's mildly entertaining but by the end of the movie, you want to take that damn phone and shove it down her throat. Yeah, that's my day. Only worse. And I really do have one of those "I have 8 bosses, so when I do something wrong I have to hear about it 8 times" kinda jobs. We have email... we have phones... we have a very large, very open room with excellent acoustics. It's beyond me how these people haven't quite grasped communicating with each other. Thank god we don't use memos. I'd have myself a nice little bonfire.