Silly, Ridiculous Stereotypes

I had a conversation with a good friend the other day and it sounded like a fabulous blog entry! It heavily enters a gray area, but hey, almost every subject is a gray area these days so why not.

Stereotypes. Yep, I'm gonna go there. They are there for a reason and every group has them. But there's good news- it's a personal choice whether or not you want to be in them. A guy walks into my workplace, a respected corporation, with his pants down to his knees, a hat with the sticker/tag still on and sunglasses and honestly thinks it looks good to everyone else. "Circus clowns" are just an example of the words that come to mind. This was his choice, sure it may look good, dope, or whatever people call it these days, to his friends. But to the general population this looks silly, and these guys cannot figure out why people don't respect them. Duh. This friend of mine I had the conversation with works in retail and in his line of work, they have to keep an eye on customers to make sure they aren't being robbed blind. Well you can't exactly stare down every person that walks in, unless you like being cross eyed... I, for one, do not. So what do you do? You play James Bond, super-spy with the likely suspects. It's NOT rocket science that the way people dress is a good indication of the first impressions people have of them. So when you dress like Jay-Z's special-ed cousin, you're going to get some funny looks. I think people take celebrity style a bit too far, because last I checked, on stage, concert attire doesn't look as good on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. Am I the only person who reads (reads meaning I flip through it and look at the pictures, occasionally reading a caption or two) US Weekly and observes that the paparazzi pictures of these celebrities clearly show that the popular people don't wear that shit every day?! Even Usher wears jeans (at the waist) and a T-shirt (in the right size) every now and then, take a note.

I am NOT being racist, quite the opposite. I've seen guys of every race and religion dress like this and guess what... it looks ridiculous on everyone, regardless of skin color. Oh and I haven't forgotten about girls and their part in all this... oh no, they get a turn too!

Girls... oh dear. When every gift your mama gave you is hanging out of one opening or another, there's a problem. Whoever coined the phrase, "If you've got it, flaunt it" needs to die. Maybe they were talking about nice cars... or pretty jewelry... R-E-S-P-E-C-T does not often come the way of girls with boots with the fuuurrr. No, shawty should not get low outside of the club. So let's not dress that way, mkay? Think "presentable," not a difficult concept. Again, this is not restricted to any particular ethnic group, because this fashion sense has spread faster than the Macarena, and I haven't a clue why. That godawful dance died pretty quickly, why won't this? Now I know that I'm no snazzy dresser, but I think my black Chuck Taylors, jeans and a T-shirt of some kind make me a lot more discreet and appropriate than a bikini top with a skirt and fluorescent Reebok shoes. Just sayin'. I don't get disrespected very often on the basis of what I wear, usually it's for what's coming out of my mouth. Which is understandable, I get a bit mouthy sometimes. A lot of times. It's a tic, I'm working on it.

Another part of these stereotypes that drives me bonkers is the language that comes with it. When I was living in my hometown of League City, Texas, I was forced to listen to people I'd grown up with speaking the worst dialect of Ebonics I'd ever heard. Um, we went to the same school and I must have missed that speech class because I don't talk like that. Ugh, and another one- "know what I'm sayin'?" Bullet. Head. Right now. This is not a verbal period, signifying the end of a sentence. I love responding with "no... no I don't know what you're saying." But nevertheless, this expression is like the cherry on top of the cake for the outfits previously mentioned. It's not the same as a filler expression, those are much briefer and ten times harder to control. This, however takes a good 3 seconds to say, 5 if you draw out the "saaaayiin'" part. Which is like taking my annoyances and beefing them up on steroids. Oh well... like I said, stereotypes for a reason. Easy choice, but so hard for some I guess.

An ADD Kinda Day

I've always thought the "prophecy" about 12-23-12 being the end of the world was rubbish. My theory? If you were given a pencil and a couple of hundred pieces of paper and told "Here's the format, make a calendar and keep going as far as you can," you'd get pretty stinkin' tired after a while. You'd make it a couple of thousand years or so before you'd think to yourself, "I've given them plenty, they may not even live that long and even if they do, they can pick it up from there." For some reason, this generation of idiots has concluded that this means the world is ending on that precise day. There is no actual written prediction of this, we just like focusing on the end of the world. My mom is one of these people. Everything is a sign and falls into this great master plan that the world will end on a specific time after certain events take place. My opinions? It's not happening now, so pass me a beer and we can forget about it for a while. The truth about this date? It's the first day of the 14th b'ak'tun, which is basically just a specific measurement for a specific chunk of time. We've just translated the end of a calendar to just that- the end of time. Which is dumb.

Which brings me back to how tiring this colossal task would be. I'm an artsy-craftsy kinda girl, and I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to make a day planner for 2011. Next time I mention this, send me a comment or an email and remind me how stupid I was for trying this in the first place. Think about it- you fold a page and it has page 1 on the left and page 2 on the right. Fold another and stick it inside the first set of pages and what was page 2 now becomes page 4. OK so now that you have the idea of how that works, I have to fold 8 pieces of paper and put them inside of each other. And there are 5 sections just like that. Imagine the typing, the printing, the folding... Ugh. I'm a dumbass for thinking this up. Now that I've done this, my 2012 theory has just been further solidified. It's tiring. It's a lot of work. It's confusing. And I've gone through more Excedrin in the past week than I have in a lifetime. But they've turned out nicely, so it wasn't for nothing. But stttiiiiiilllllllllll....

I'm going to hop off that soapbox and mosey over to another. This is not a pretty subject, but one that must be covered. Plumber's butt. Yeah, I'm gonna go there. I saw the worst one I've ever seen in my life. One of those dirty jeans, top of the Hanes tighty-whities hanging out, splotchy red, fat-as-f*** numbers. No, I didn't look on purpose and I darted my glance another way the second I realized what I was looking at. But I have a semi photographic memory, and these are the kind of mental pictures that have a tendency to overstay their welcome. Why can't my memories from Christmases or vacations be that way... I forget those pretty stinking easily. And this brings me to another common theme from previous entries... how do you not know that this is happening??? Especially in this guy's case, paired with the weather we've been having, how do you NOT feel a draft??? When enough skin is showing to project IMAX films on, you can't not notice it. The concept of a belt escapes these men. Or women, in some cases, but people seem to complain a lot less about those. I wonder why... I think I'm scarred for life, this guy didn't even have the sense to give everyone a courtesy hike of the britches. Oh, and I forgot to mention, I was standing directly behind him in line. Not like I can just run and hide, as much as I wanted to...

Excuse me, I have to go puke now. And then take a shower. Buh.

Fashion BooBoos

I'm no expert on fashion, I'm very much a jeans/T-shirt/Converse kinda girl. But there are a few fashion blunders that I think need some clarification, because people just don't seem to understand them. It's like the black socks and sandals thing. It took a while but I think that people are finally coming around to the fact that it just doesn't look good.

I'll start with my favorite (or LEAST favorite, depending on how you look at it) fashion mistake. Chacos. Ugh! Now I'll admit, I can see the functionality behind these. I'm from Texas so I can understand wanting to be outdoors minus the sweaty feet. But somewhere, people got REALLY confused about these. I've seen girls wear these in clubs with sequins and skirts. Really?? Did they really look in the mirror before leaving the house and think to themselves, "this looks good but it's missing something... How about some canvas and rubber?!" Nonononono!!! Just to clear things up a bit for those who are sadly misunderstood-

DON'T:

DO:

Second biggest fashion pet peeve- Uggs. An old friend of mine from high school said it best- "Ugg is short for ugly." These are just NOT cute shoes. Again, just like Chacos, these can be functional. Like when it's cold. Now, if it's cold enough to wear these boots, it's gotta be pretty cold. Too cold to wear a skirt. Or shorts. Or tights. Girls, this just DOES NOT LOOK GOOD! And don't try to tell me "my feet get cold blah blah blah." I have a hard time believing that bare or barely clad legs are miraculously staying warm in cold weather when boots are called for. And wearing them in warm weather? I just laugh at you because I know you've got some sweaty, stinky feet going on. I did the Race for the Cure walkathon this past weekend for Susan G Komen and girls were wearing Uggs on a 5K. Not a long walk, only about an hour, but their feet had to have been killing them. There's NO support there! I took great pleasure in hopping and skipping around them in my Nike Shox. Comfy feet... Mmmmm... Bottom Line:

PLEEEASE DON'T:

DO:

Last, but CERTAINLY not least... Manpris. Ew. Please. Make. It. Stop. Now a very dear friend of mine recently admitted to wearing manpris. At least he's honest. And wouldn't hate me for laughing at him should he have another lapse in judgement and wear them again. Whatever idiot is spreading the word like wildfire that these pants are the next big thing in menswear... THEY LIED! I understand they are pretty popular in other countries, but the US isn't parring that hole yet. Here's my big question- where would one find these? I once saw a kilt store in Seattle, maybe there's a manpri store somewhere. Weird. And here's the thing- these men actually think they look good. I can't remember a time in my life that I saw a guy wearing manpris that I just wanted to pounce on. I think they are more of a deterrent really. It just screams, "Women, stay away from me, I'm delusional and am prone to being lied to when I ask other people how I look!" I'm honestly not a big capri wearer myself because it's either hot enough for shorts or cold enough for jeans. Yuck yuck yuck.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T:

DO:

God if these things went away entirely, I would be happy. Then again, I'd lose a good 3% of my day to day entertainment if they did. I hate Catch 22's. By no means am I saying that I'm the snazziest of dressers, but there are a few things that just seem like they'd be common sense to me.