If someone had asked me five years ago what hell for me would be, I'd probably have said being stuck in Chuck E Cheese with my least favorite person in the world. And I'd probably have said the chances of that actually happening were slim to none. Which also goes to show that five years ago, I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
I was given the fun-filled, rare opportunity to live my hell yesterday. I dreaded it with a passion, but I survived. Barely. I went out on Saturday night to celebrate being done with my finals for the semester, and about 3 shots, 4 hurricanes and a couple of jokes about "bean dips" later, I was pretty hammered. And something about guys liking girls who can get themselves "wet." Someone misheard me, but I'm a pro at making completely innocent statements sound dirty. I'm pretty sure I said "guys like girls they can be themselves with." Eh whatever. It was funnier, and probably just as accurate of a statement.
Jump to the next morning. I woke up with the worst hangover I've had in a while. The "if I so much as blink, I'm gonna puke" kind. Ugh. I hadn't forgotten about my stepdaughter's fifth birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, I'm pretty sure I just planned on still being drunk from 11 to 1 the next day to maintain my way through. FYI, for anyone ever thinking about trying this- it backfired. Badly. I ended up sitting in the bathtub for 30 minutes eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch. After 3 Excedrin, 2 prescription strength Naproxin Sodium and 1 prescription strength Ibuprofen, and about 2 gallons of water, I was feeling a bit more like myself. Disclosure: This isn't overdosing for me, far from it. I have a very high tolerance for pain meds, and believe me, it makes my life and managing pain pretty difficult. Back to the story...
So as if my previous opinion on hell wasn't bad enough, add a hangover to it, and it's downright excruciating. And I thought it couldn't get any worse than that! So now we have Chuck E Cheese and a hangover, now we're to the part about my least favorite person. My husband's ex-wife, my step daughter's mom, attended said party. Want to hear the effed up part? This was all my idea. I decided to be nice, because she'd recently lost a job (she would have quit after a few months anyway, in all fairness) and probably wouldn't have been able to throw her own party for their daughter like she normally does. And 5 is a pretty big birthday, I thought it'd be a nice gift for my stepdaughter to have both her parents in one place for longer than five minutes. So at this point, every part of my hell was a product of my own doing. Hangover- did it to myself. Arch nemesis- invited her. Oh, and the Chuck E Cheese part was my idea too. I must have a few screws loose, and a few more that weren't even there in the first place.
I made it out in one piece. The good news is that we had a lot of close friends there that knew my husband and this woman when they were together and through their divorce. They have good reasons for hating this woman. So I had a posse... and she got to hang out with the kids. Fair trade, I thought. The bitch hardly said a word to me, but the few that she did, I was polite. She said "could this be any more awkward?" and I told her "yes, yes it could." Hey, that's polite! I was nice enough to leave off the part about HOW it could be more awkward. Everyone could have told her what they thought about her. I am nice to this woman for no benefit of my own, but for my family. My step daughter doesn't need to be caught in the middle of a cat fight and my husband is the one who has to deal with her the most. I'm a more understanding woman than most would be in my position, I've earned the right to complain a bit. Example: When she decided to (temporarily, thought I didn't know that at the time) leave her boyfriend, I opened up my home and invited her to stay with us until she found a job and a place to live. That fell through, she went crawling back to him, but I was willing to do it. I felt the same way about her then as I do now. But it wasn't about me at that point, it was about my step daughter. But yeah... that's about 1% of the background of my relationship with her. I don't feel like going into the rest.
I've never been so happy to come home and do absolutely nothing. My nap on the couch almost had me 100% recovered.
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