Reality TV: A Little Too Real

Well 2010 is officially on it's way out the door, and it's got me thinking... what do I want to heave out the door with it? My job? Check. These excess pounds that have taken up residence on my bum? Sounds pretty splendid. Oh and ya know what would be fabulous to send out with 2010. Reality TV. That'd be pretty nice...

There is literally a reality show for everything. Pawn Stars is one of my personal favorites, because they've glamorized this business into TV-quality. I can honestly say I've never stepped foot in a pawn shop, not because I've just never had the opportunity to grace them with my presence... oh no, it's because I've avoided them like the plague. These places just seem like dirty, trashy establishments and I'm sorry for sounding condescending, but ew. Granted, the pawn shop in the show is pretty nice, but they are definitely the exception, not the rule.

Parking Wars... ????? I seriously thought that I was being punked when I first saw a preview for this show. As all reality shows, some of the people are funny. But that's life, you occasionally run across some pretty entertaining people. By no means does that mean we have to start filming our lives just so we can publicize the interesting characters we run across. There are some hilariously entertaining people in my line of work, but I'd be more embarrassed than anything to show them off to the world- "Yeah guys, this is the kind of caliber of people I work with... You're just dripping with jealousy, aren't you?" Nope...

Another one is Billy the Exterminator. I'll admit, I've spent more than a few hours watching this show, not for the entertainment value, but it's sorta educational. But at the end of the day, it's a show about a guy who takes care of pests, and I could live without that on the tube. Apparently this guy got his shot at a TV show when he was featured on Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs and SOMEONE decided, "this guy's got pizazz, let's give him his own show!" He's an exterminator with an unconventional sense of style. That's it. Stimulating TV ya got there.

Storage Wars is a new one, I've never actually seen an episode or even part for that matter, just what I've seen on previews. From what I gather, it's about storage facilities. My interest was never stimulated enough to get more information than that. Another one-seasoner, I'd put money on it.

Hoarders is taking it a bit far. This one's a bit different, because it's a mental condition. This one disgusts me more in the light that it's exploiting this rather embarrassing, mental problem. It's somewhat educational, sure... but how much more can we exploit personal issues. Intervention is a personal favorite of mine and I support it, but it's completely different. It's not as embarrassing, in the sense that hoarding is a habit that can easily be kept behind closed doors and no one will ever know. If you're a "stumbling all over yourself, cracked out 24/7, loud, disrespectful" addict, everyone knows it, whether you're on TV or not.

Oddities is a new one we're watching, and as entertaining as it can be... at times, it's not 100% there. Some of it's pretty gross. Most of it, actually. Watch one episode, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about. Another fabulous example that we don't need to publicize every strange person we come across, because the store in the show clearly has more than it's share.

Sarah Palin's Alaska needs to go straight where her political career went. Guess what? We didn't care enough about your personal life when we had the ability to put it in front of us 24/7, we don't care to tune into it either. LET IT GO! She's grasping!

In my research for this entry (yes, they aren't just rants, I get good, solid background on these puppies!) I came across yet another reality show that blows my mind. Swamp Loggers. Before you Le Goog it, I'll save you the trouble, it's exactly what it sounds like. Loggers that find wood in swamps. Here's my question... where was the interest in this line of work to spark this show?? Not with this girl, that's for sure.

Oh, and if logging toots your flute, but swamp logging is a bit extreme for you, don't worry, there's a show for you too... American Loggers is the plain M&M's version. Also, exactly what it sounds like. Ugh. Again, not a line of work that's ever intrigued me enough to complain about the lack of a show about it.

Deadliest Catch is also beyond me. Granted, these guys risk their lives out there and I'm not degrading that, but still... movies about fake fishermen have failed, how is a show about real ones expected to do the opposite? One of those shows you can only watch one or two episodes of before it becomes the same thing over and over and over again.

Police Women of Dallas/Memphis is no winner either. Those who know me probably think I'd like these shows. They'd be mistaken. Sure, these are independent women with guns slapping handcuffs on people. But it's a poor man's version of Cops and one version is enough. It's just not stimulating enough to keep me coming back for more.

I really could go on all day about these shows... and the sad thing is, we haven't gotten the hint yet about what works and what doesn't. We just keep throwing these things against the wall to see what sticks. I want to start standing in the board rooms where the initial "yay or nay" discussions about these shows take place with a big ol' cast iron skillet. The guys who support the stupid shows get to meet my little friend. Simple, effective solution, I think!

Shyamalan, Hitchcock... Milk, Creamer... NOT THE SAME!!

I watched Devil last night for the second time, that new-ish movie from M. Night Shyamalan about 5 people getting stuck in an elevator with the devil. And for the second time, I decided I liked it but it wasn't exactly what I expected. And I realized that this is exactly what people have come to expect from this director/writer- the unexpected. And not in a good way.

I've read that M. Night Shyamalan considers himself to be the second coming of Alfred Hitchcock. Eh... not so much. I mean, kind of... The 6th Sense and The Village were the only movies that I would consider to be Hitchcock-ian style. He also likes to make a director cameo in each of his films (FYI- he didn't have one in Devil) which Hitchcock invented and perfected. Shyamalan effed that up by actually having a speaking role that was pertinent to the plot. Hitchcock literally did a walk by in each of his cameos. He wasn't an actor, nor did he pretend to be. Seeing that this guy thinks of himself as the same caliber as Sir Alfred Hitchcock is almost insulting to me. I am a HUGE Hitchcock fan, I have the velvet lined boxed set and make it a point to watch every one of them at least once a year. There's a very specific cinematic style to Hitchcock, it's not just a tame suspense flick with a crazy twist at the end. Shyamalan's movies are very dark, which is not Hitchcock. (How many times can I say "Hitchcock" in this blog? Hitchcock, Hitchcock, Hitchcock... )

A lot of Hollywood super-geeks seem to be misunderstood as to what a "twist" actually is. Let me set the record straight: a true, 100% twist in plot is when an event takes place that is completely out of context with the previous events leading up to it. In Devil, *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER* the devil is one of the passengers in the elevator, which is not a big surprise, because we were led to believe that from about 25 minutes into it, we just didn't know who it was. It was never introduced as an option that the devil was a separate entity from the individuals in the elevator. Finding out the identity is NOT a twist!!! And this false idea of what a twist is ruins every one's opinions on them, so they leave the theater's saying to themselves, "OMG what a great movie!" Makes me want to scream "NONONONONO!!!! It was horrible!" I get so disappointed when I see a movie that was all built up as having a crazy ending and walk out thinking, "is that it?" The person that was the devil in this movie was like the second or third person to die, but came back to life later. Again... disappointing, because it's predictable.

Come to think of it... if you don't like spoilers, stop reading. Being discrete is not one of my strong suits.

My all-time favorite Shyamalan movie is The Village because the entire time, we were thinking it took place a looong time ago. It wasn't until like the last 5 minutes that we realized that it was during modern times, they were just holed up in their own little delusional existence that their lives were as it should be. There were kind of two twists, actually. The first was when the blind chick realized that the monsters she'd feared her whole life were actually the town elders in big ol' ugly suits. That one was enough for me, but the very end, EEK!! That's the kind of ending I live for! Now it's time for me to admit what you're probably thinking- I'm a dork, loser, geek, all of the above. I also own the complete collection of The Twilight Zone on DVD, if anyone was wondering.

The 6th Sense was actually a bit too dark to be a Hitchcock-style movie, but it had the trademark real twist at the end, so we'll let it slide. Watching it a second or third time, it's easy to think you were silly for not noticing it the first time around. But you didn't! Admit it! If you claim to have known he was dead all along, you LIE! And that "I see dead people" thing, priceless!!

OK my dork moment has officially over-stayed it's welcome. I'm going to go eat the 10 pounds of candy my co-workers gave me for Christmas.

My Knoxville Favorites

I'm feeling random today and on top of that, I'm having some major writer's block so I'm going to talk about my favorite places in Knoxville. Restaurants, night life, businesses, you name it.

1. My ALL TIME favorite place in Knoxville, my mecca is Lox Salon. Not just because the owner is one of my dearest friends in the whole wide world, but because they're good. Damn good. This was my salon first and foremost, the friendship just added a perk to it. The owner, Brynn, is this ultra trendy, social gal who knows her stuff. My biggest criteria about finding a stylist- it's about what the customer wants, not just what the stylist thinks looks good. She, and all her girls, for that matter, are fearless with color and know how to work a pair of scissors! Lox also sells some pretty cool jewelry and knickknacks by local artisans and hosts lost of social events. The first Friday of every month, aptly called "First Friday," Lox opens their doors to a local artist and lets them showcase their work. There's also clothing swaps, game nights, you name it! Not to mention the Saturday mimosas and PBRs! Mmm... I know where I'll be tomorrow. She's moving as of Dec. 1, so give her a call and make your appointment before the moving shenanigans start! 865-523-5569
2. Abuelo's... talk about some GOOD Mexican food. It's a chain, so I'm rather surprised at the fact that their food is so good. Next time you're in, ask for some infierno for your salsa. It's delicious and extra spicy! The ambiance is awesome, the music is (usually) pretty good. The servers are so nice and ultra-professional and the servings are HUGE!! Enough for a midnight snack and lunch the next day! It's almost gourmet Mexican food, and the prices are pretty reasonable. Not much more expensive than a visit to Chili's or Ruby Tuesday's. Ask for Salinas, she'll take good care of you! They're in Turkey Creek, across from the Pinnacle 18. You know where I'm going with that... dinner and a movie! And my ultimate favorite part about Abuelo's? A pitcher of Sangria Swirl... it's frozen Sangria and Margarita swirled together. I always make a mess pouring them into my glass but it's so worth it. Almost worth licking off the table...
3. MORE Mexican food! Soccer Taco in Market Square. There are other location, but I'm talking ONLY about the one in Market Square. Because there are two things that one has that the others don't. The first is Market Square (duh... LOTS of shoppping and fun stuff to do!) and the second is Chris. He's amazing, ask for him, tell him Mer sent you. He works Tuesdays and Thursdays and it's so worth going to work with a hangover the next morning after the bomb Margaritas. Write it down.
4. One word- Nostalgia. OK technically it's Nostalgia Market, but whatever. They are this AWESOME antique store that sells the coolest vintage stuff! I actually haven't had the chance to go, but my husband has and he can't say enough about it. Oh you have a thing about owls, do you? They have a corner called "Hooterville." Nothing but owl stuff! Their address is 5214 Homberg Dr. Plug that into your GPS and go now!!
5. Southbound in the Old City is my all time favorite place for a night out. They have 3 floors, the first is the biggest, with two bars and some pool tables in the back. They have TVs with music videos and play everything from 80's classics to current stuff. The second plays mostly hip hop from what I've noticed but it really depends on the DJ. It's also got some cool, lounge-ish couches and high top tables. The top floor is pretty well balanced as far as music goes but has these big ol' booth tables and a balcony. The only downer, not all the floors are open all the time. Fridays and Saturdays are the best times to go.
6. Speaking of the Old City, Urban Bar isn't a bad hangout either. They've got tables and chairs outside, a front room with plenty of tables, a couple of pool rooms, arcade games and a juke box. I've had many a good time getting wasted there. The bartenders are FABULOUS, I haven't been in forever but if Ashley and Nate are still there, you know it'll be a good night. I don't have as much time to go out as I used to but next time I go out, I'll have to pay them a visit.

Yup... so those are my favorites. This was probably my most boring post ever but if anyone got anything out of it then it's worth it. It's a Friday, I'm bored and slightly irritated. This is what you get today.