Now Available: One Slightly Abused, Gorgeous Hunk of Male

Good news for Ryan Reynolds fans- He's officially filed for divorce from Scarlet Slut-hansson. I'm married, so I'm not exactly in a position to take a number for this sex-on-a-stick actor, but there are plenty of better women out there for him than her. Then again, my husband did wake me up at 4:30 in the morning to share this bit of happy news with me, still trying to figure that one out.

Here's my thing about Scarlet- sure, she's pretty, and she's not a bad actress. But she clearly has a thing or two to learn about relationships. She was the one to first bring up divorce, but they agreed he'd file so she wouldn't have to be the bad guy. Umm... this is stupid. As a divorcee myself, here's a tip for those who haven't been there: there is always a "bad guy". And it's typically the person who first asks for the divorce, when the rest of the bloody-gorey details are kept private. This is clearly one of those cases. I have several friends who were the petitioner in their divorces, but I'm close enough to them to know that the reasons behind the filing were not their fault. But outsiders who don't have the privileged information as to exactly what went wrong typically don't see it that way. My divorce was one of these cases. My ex-husband was a bad person, and very few people knew it. His actions that caused me to leave him where out of character for the guy everyone else knew. I'm the bad guy in my divorce, because to everyone else, it looked like I just up and left. This was not the case. But to be frank, I don't give a shit. It's no one's business but mine and my family's. I'm used to having a less than desirable reputation, what's one more rumor to my credit? The people I care about know the truth and that's all that matters.

Ryan Reynolds has always struck me as very mature, very well-carried individual. Anything but the Van Wilder character he started out as, basically. Apparently the "real" reason behind the divorce was that they spent too much time apart. I don't buy this. Scarlet has been hanging out with her ex, Jared Leto, quite a bit throughout her marriage, and has been leaning on a lot of male celebrity buddies of hers for support through this. It's more likely that she just wasn't ready for marriage, wasn't ready to be unavailable and decided to bow out. Which is fine! I don't see why people aren't honest about their divorces, this happens allll the time. My husband's ex-wife just split with her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and he is just now learning from us why she and my husband divorced in the first place. OK, she was a whore... I can see why people don't share that. But there is an immense amount of respect out there for people who can cop up to their mistakes and admit they made a booboo. I don't know why that's been thrown out the window. As bad as my ex is, I made my mistakes too. Plenty of them, I never claimed to be perfect.

No matter what the story is, anyone who's been divorced is a schmuck. Whether they were the guilty party or they were crazy enough to stay with a son-of-a-silly person, there's a schmuck hat for everyone. And I imagine these hats look something like berets with little springs where that wee button is, and on the top of that spring is a goofy little ball. Like those Jack in the Box heads for car antennas. Only sillier.

Let's Talk About Cheating

OOO I love hot, controversial topics! Because there are so many obvious factors that people just don't bother to touch on. I think the majority of America has been in a cheating situation in one way or another, whether they've been cheated on, done the cheating, watched a parent cheat, been there for a bestie who's been cheated on, etc. etc. I'd like to think that the majority of the population knows and feels that cheating is wrong, but if that were the case, then why do 50% of women and 60% of men still do it? This just doesn't make sense to me. And then there are the schmucks who take them back. Yup, I said it. Schmucks. I've been one of these schmucks on more than one occasion so I can say that.

Sienna Miller is one of America's Crown Schmucks right now. She hasn't "confirmed" a reconciliation with Jude Law, but she's certainly allowing him to come close enough without clawing his eyeballs out. Especially after being publicly humiliated and made to look like a fool, you'd think that urge would never go away. At least for me, it wouldn't. I'm amazing at holding grudges, it's impressive how easily I can scrub people from my life. I felt so sorry for this girl and was actually pretty proud of her leaving his cheating ass the first time. He's pretty, I'm sure that wasn't an easy choice. If he does it again, I'll be damned if I give her a second thought of pity. This is part of why Sandra Bullock is my idol! Jesse cheated on her and she'd have NONE of it! As we say in Texas, (and we all know she's an implanted Texan! Yeehaw!) Adios, amigo! Sandy is HILARIOUS but she strikes me as the type of woman you just don't cross. I really wonder how the conversation went when she approached him with this bit of "news." Oh Em Gee... Fly. Wall. Pay lots of money.

Which brings me to my oh-so-popular, everyone-wants-to-know (insert sarcastic laughter here) opinion on cheating. I made the decisions to go back to these men after the fact because I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do. There were a lot of factors that went into it for me, like how long we'd been together, if behaviors had been building up to it, blah blah blah. If they had done it again, the person I'd have had to hate for it would be me. My mama raised me right- fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Bottom line- take a cheater back, accept the risk. If you get hurt again, it's your bad. I love love LOVE that line from Pay it Forward where Helen Hunt hides in her son's room after realizing her ex-husband is still an abusive prick. "I think I made a mistake!" with very obvious OOPS undertones! Not cheating by any means, but a very similar sensitive subject. We'll go there another day. She very clearly took responsibility for her choice and didn't look for sympathy from anyone. Take notes, people. Detailed ones. If you're gonna give bad behavior a second chance, do everyone a favor and learn to be strong enough to stand on your own two feet and make the tough decision when it happens again.