Jessica Simpson and Who????

Just read on Google news that Jessica Simpson just got engaged to some bloke named Eric Johnson. The only description of him is that he's an "ex-football player." Doesn't say he was NFL or anything. Hmm... I have no idea who this guy is. I find it strangely suspicious that this is oh-so-closely following her ex-husband Nick Lachey's recent engagement. Supposedly she said just last month that this Eric character is "just a friend." It's almost like she heard about Nick's upcoming nuptials and scrambled for someone to marry so she could be engaged too. How dare he get remarried before her, what nerve. Ugh. She could have just made another reality show for it, Who Wants to Be a Newlywed? It would have certainly turned some spotlights (albeit, negative ones) in her direction for the first time in years. I looked at the grand total of 6 pictures of Jessica and Eric together and they do NOT look like they are in love. I'll give them this, they do look like a couple, but not one about to walk down the aisle by any means. I hate keeping up with celebrity relationships. I can never tell how much of it is publicity and how much are real relationships. Some are just too perfect or crazy or convenient to be anything but fake.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are an excellent example of this. I don't know how much more I can say about these two that hasn't already been said. He's batshit crazy. She doesn't appear to be that happy, nowhere near the state of ecstasy she was in when they first met. Welcome to the real world, toots. He's become a quite outspoken yutz and I have a theory that he's struggling with the fact that he's not the hot young stud he was a million years ago. Most people can agree that we can watch Top Gun and War of the Worlds back to back and see a HUGE difference, like it's a completely different actor. I think that Katie just married him to live out the dream most girls born in the 70's and 80's had- grow up and marry Tom Cruise. Childhood infatuations should stay in the past, because this has obviously not panned out the way she'd thought it would. Duh. I wanted to grow up and be a unicorn, and needless to say, my goals have changed a bit since then.

And a more recent marriage that has my mind in a tizzy is Russell Brand and Katy Perry. Honestly, a cute couple and they are both a little kooky so it could work but this relationship has me singing "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" in my head anyway. They didn't seem to be together that long before the engagement and these two strike me as nothing if not impulsive. They clearly love attention, so what could be better than getting it by marrying an equally flamboyant counterpart? The really good thing they have going for them is that so far, they've kept things pretty private. Spotlights and marriages don't like each other, it's been proven. They mixed spotlights and wedding rings together in little test tubes and surprise, they blew up.

I really do feel for celebrities, because going back to my views on the show Teen Mom, it's hard to have a healthy relationship with everyone watching. Not only are you being pulled in 10 different directions with fans, promotional events, award shows and actually working, the few seconds you're given alone each day are usually spent wiping your ass. Marriage is tough enough in the normal, average world us ordinary paupers live in. Add boo coos of money, personal assistants, millions of adoring fans and agents telling you what to do and where to be and it'd be a straight up nightmare.