There have been a lot of funny things going on lately that I just couldn't possibly make up. So story time- I had to share!
First story- recall how I've been on this amazing diet and have lots bunches of weight (30 pounds, woohoo!) A byproduct of this is that my clothes no longer fit as snug as they once did. I'm not quite done with my weight loss yet so I don't see the point in buying new clothes at this point. But I am running out of things to wear. I went to play tennis last Monday with a dear friend and put on some stretchy pants. I figured they stretch wider, so they might shrink a bit with the smaller waist? Eh, my logic is usually flawed anyway. I'm going after this killer shot and hauling ass across the court to get it. I feel some weird action going on around my hips and glance down to see what's going on. MY PANTS WERE FALLING OFF!!! I gave up the ball, because I clearly had a bigger crisis at this point, and took care of it. They didn't fall all the way off, I stopped them right underneath my bum, but here's the kicker. Because again, you just can't make this shit up. I NEVER wear thongs on the reasoning that wedgies belong on fat pimply kids in middle school. It's just uncomfortable. I wear boy shorts. For SOME reason on this day, for the first time in over a year, I wore a thong. And we don't play at some fancy tennis club, we play at a public park surrounded by houses, so it's anyone's guess how many people saw my goodies. And because of my choice of unmentionables for the day, they got a much better show than they would have normally. Yeah... good feeling but also pretty embarrassing.
Second story- last Wednesday, I gave my last speech of the semester. I'm taking online classes so I have to record the speeches and submit them that way. Same friend from the tennis game allowed me to use her salon as the speaking location for it and I spoke for her, another friend and some employees there. I had to do this because of stupid reasons for the class. My topic was a demonstration speech on how to make my killer salsa. One of her first questions when she agreed to let me do this- "Will it make a mess?" I assured her it wouldn't. But this is my life we're talking about, there are no guarantees. When we got there, as I was setting up, I noticed that the plastic base of the blender pitcher was cracking and breaking. I was worried, but put it on the machine base and tried it out. Seemed to work fine, so I figured I'd dodged a bullet. Made it through the speech and the blender performed perfectly. Camera off, assignment done. I let down my guard too soon. Note about my salsa- it usually takes 2 blender loads to finish it all. I'd only done the one load on the speech tape, which was a good call on my part. Because when I went to finish the second load, as I picked the blender up to pour it out, that plastic base literally disintegrated. In case you were wondering if that plastic part has a job other than locking the blender pitcher in place, it really does. It's the ENTIRE bottom of the damn pitcher. What happens when it breaks and you try to lift it up? Kinda like the bottom of a bucket disappearing when it's full of water. Comes GUSHING out the bottom. My friend I'd brought with me scooped his hands underneath to make almost a bowl around the bottom, but it didn't do much. Like a band-aid on a bullet hole. Ugh. Went EVERYWHERE!! I felt horrible because what did I ASSURE my lovely salon owner friend beforehand? It would NOT make a mess!!!! She was understanding, thankfully, and even got a good laugh out of it. And I left the salsa with some chips there for her, the employees and clients to munch on throughout the day. So I sweetened the pot a bit. But yeah. If something can go horribly wrong for me, it usually does. Who would have thought this type of dilemma would happen outside of my home? My blender has never been used anywhere other than my kitchen, and it waits until we're somewhere else to go kaput. This just further solidifies my theory that inanimate objects really are out to get me.
So yeah... not huge stories, but the kind of situations where I couldn't help but laugh at myself.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Life's a Big, Complicated Game of Telephone
I'd really be interested in finding out if there's ever been research on what engineers us to be nosey creatures. It seems like everywhere you can look, there's some form of curiosity about everyone else's business.
Take Facebook for example- a good majority of the peeps on Facebook have hundreds of friends. HUNDREDS!! I even know a few people with a thousand. Now there are a few exceptions to the "curiosity" rule, like the people who just really want a big number, or the people that are local celebrities that get friend requests every day from people they've come across. But what's the reasoning for the rest of us? I have 241 friends on facebook and I can honestly say that I regularly interact with about 50, whether it's in person or over the phone. I can honestly say I've added some of the bitches and assholes I knew in high school just to satisfy my curiosity to see if they grew up to be adult bitches and assholes. Come on, admit it- you've done the same at least once.
And tabloids? Seriously. Even People has turned into one, it's just a fancier tabloid. Why do we HAVE to know what goes on in the lives of celebrities. Does it really matter that Kirstie Alley has gained all her weight back? Or that Lindsay Lohan has yet again screwed up? Not really. We just need to know.
Going back to Facebook, status updates have almost become a new way to gossip. Someone posts a cryptic update? If you don't comment on it asking for more information, you're probably going to call your mutual friends and ask if they know what's up. Or if the status update is straight forward, or if a relationship status changes, you'll probably start the gossip phone tree about that one too. We've all done it some point or another. Nosey, much?
I really do have a theory that there is something about our genetic engineering that makes us curious. It starts early and every kid goes through a "why?" stage. Take my stepdaughter for example. If I put on my shoes to go outside for something, or talk about my plans for the day, she's gotta know what I'm doing, where I'm going and why. Of course she's too young at five to understand gossip or really have an interest in it. But something in her head makes her need to know for her own sake.
And there's another side of gossip that confuses me even more that doesn't entirely apply to everyone. There are some people that just enjoy being the center of attention that thrive on people talking about them. It's almost like creating yourself into a mini-celebrity. Positive, negative and neutral attention is still attention so they take what they can get. I just don't understand it. What hey, whatever toots your flute.
Not a big entry today, just something that I've often wondered about. I'm just curious about what makes us curious. Ironic!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Long Awaited Long Story
I'm going to start this with a disclaimer- some parts of this story took place almost a year ago and most of it about 3 months ago, so my facts might be a little fuzzy! I've been sort of putting off telling it, just because the last thing I want in my life right now is reminders of all that stress.
OK, backstory time. Almost a year ago, I believe it was late April, my boss and I started having some... clashes. I could never figure out if it was my boss or the company, but he would always hound me on doing things and dealing with people exactly the way that he would. Apparently he felt I should stand and shake the customer's hand when greeting them. I'm sorry, but no one has ever stood to greet me, and whenever I did it, it was awkward. It just wasn't natural. And I don't touch strangers, that's just gross... I figured it was best to be myself because the customers always seemed to like it, he was the only person that seemed to have an issue with it. Apparently I should have just done it and shut up, because he wrote me up for it. I didn't even think it was possible to get written up for not standing and shaking a customer's hand, but you could. So yeah, that was the beginning to a very long and painful end. I just couldn't believe he didn't tell me before "hey, you really need to start doing this, because FYI- I'm supposed to write you up if you don't." No warning, no nothing, which I would have expected of him because we were friends at one point.
Fast forward to December: I've never been good at keeping my emotions in, and between April and the end of the year, he just kept nitpicking about the little things. My sales were pretty good, I wasn't habitually late, I didn't break any rules, I just didn't do things the way he wanted them. Which fascinated me because the place was falling apart around him, and he wanted to focus on my little booboos?? Right, that's responsible management. At the end of the day on the Friday before Christmas, I just lost it and told him how I was the only person with enough balls there to tell him I thought he sucked at his job and how much I despised my life working there. With as much emotion as I've ever shown. Luckily, he was on vacation the following week, so I had a week without him. I spent it wisely as I'd come to the conclusion that it was time to start seriously pursuing another job. I put in about 30 applications in that week and started laying the groundwork for my departure. I felt bad about my behavior, but this was the only way I could make it right because my hatred for my boss could not have been corrected. He was a douche, and I was not the only person who felt that way.
Skip to the first Monday he was back. I was dreading it, because I wasn't sure how the day would go seeing as it was the first day to work with him since my... outburst. We stayed out of each other's way the entire day, which was fine by me. At the end of the day, he brought the assistant manager over (who had my back anyway, we'd talked while he was gone, so his attempt at whatever was pretty useless) to serve me with a final write up. Basically a "you-screw-up-just-once-on-any-of-these-things-and-you'll-get-canned" notice. Now most employers require a first write up before a final write up. So he tied the previous write up from EIGHT months before into it just so he had justification to do so, even though it had nothing to do with the current situation. Disrespect, sure. Give me a brand new write up. Don't tie in a previous issue that isn't even part of the current situation. He also tied other things into it that had never been brought up before, so I was even more convinced he just wanted to get rid of me. I didn't really want to work with him anymore either, but he was the only one with the power to change that. Sure I could have quit, but need I remind you- I was trying to! I came home and wrote up my two weeks notice, as I was sure I was being set up to be fired. I wasn't about to lose 5 years of job history over being fired for some stupid, minute thing. So I gave it to him the next morning. Now let's pause for a second: a problem that I had with this man was that he didn't practice the 360 degree coaching the company clearly outlined. Basically a teller could "coach" the CEO on something that could be done better. Well he never practiced it. He claimed I didn't take coaching well, which wasn't entirely accurate. I worked at it and I had improved how I took coaching. He, on the other hand, deflected it with "coaching" of his own. He always had to have the upper hand. Which made me super unhappy with my job because the things I'd ask him to change were things that made my job almost unbearable, but he didn't care. Back to the story: when I handed him my two weeks notice, I told him he'd be well served to start listening to his employees better because they weren't happy, and I wasn't just talking about myself. I was nice about it this time, telling him that the branch would start performing where they should if the employees were happy, which they weren't. I was mostly looking out for my friends I was leaving behind at the shit hole. His response? Deflection. He said he'd received feedback from other associates, saying that they complained about how I took coaching too. I let it go, but in my head I was screaming Bullshit!!! Four of the employees had never coached me, one rarely did and we had an awesome mutual coaching relationship and the other and I never had problems either. So he was just lying for lack of a better "deflection" method. I just walked away.
On top of it, he knew I was leaving because of him and he announced the VERY next morning after my last day that he was transferring to another branch. Yeah, not to go all four year old on you, but... he did it on purpose. I don't think the transfer was his choice and I think the market team (his bosses) finally started listening to the fact that my branch really couldn't stand him.
Could I have done things differently? Sure. I learned a lot from the experience, see the post for December 29, 2010. I take full responsibility for my "outburst" but I feel that my boss could have actually looked after his employees a little better than he did. That place was a living hell for me, and he couldn't have cared less. He was almost malicious at times. He took pleasure in knowing his employees were miserable because he took already bad situations and made them worse and said we'd have to learn to deal with it. I even caught him smiling about it at times. He was a terrible supervisor, it was like giving a 16 year old boy a place to run and saying "do this however you want to." He'll get his one day, and I sure as hell don't want to be around when that happens, I just take comfort in knowing it will.
I really am better for this situation. I don't have a job, but I really don't need one. I'm focusing on school and my house and so far, things are looking pretty good. Regardless of my mistakes in the situation, I feel like I came out on top, because I really was the lesser of the evils, so to speak.
OK, backstory time. Almost a year ago, I believe it was late April, my boss and I started having some... clashes. I could never figure out if it was my boss or the company, but he would always hound me on doing things and dealing with people exactly the way that he would. Apparently he felt I should stand and shake the customer's hand when greeting them. I'm sorry, but no one has ever stood to greet me, and whenever I did it, it was awkward. It just wasn't natural. And I don't touch strangers, that's just gross... I figured it was best to be myself because the customers always seemed to like it, he was the only person that seemed to have an issue with it. Apparently I should have just done it and shut up, because he wrote me up for it. I didn't even think it was possible to get written up for not standing and shaking a customer's hand, but you could. So yeah, that was the beginning to a very long and painful end. I just couldn't believe he didn't tell me before "hey, you really need to start doing this, because FYI- I'm supposed to write you up if you don't." No warning, no nothing, which I would have expected of him because we were friends at one point.
Fast forward to December: I've never been good at keeping my emotions in, and between April and the end of the year, he just kept nitpicking about the little things. My sales were pretty good, I wasn't habitually late, I didn't break any rules, I just didn't do things the way he wanted them. Which fascinated me because the place was falling apart around him, and he wanted to focus on my little booboos?? Right, that's responsible management. At the end of the day on the Friday before Christmas, I just lost it and told him how I was the only person with enough balls there to tell him I thought he sucked at his job and how much I despised my life working there. With as much emotion as I've ever shown. Luckily, he was on vacation the following week, so I had a week without him. I spent it wisely as I'd come to the conclusion that it was time to start seriously pursuing another job. I put in about 30 applications in that week and started laying the groundwork for my departure. I felt bad about my behavior, but this was the only way I could make it right because my hatred for my boss could not have been corrected. He was a douche, and I was not the only person who felt that way.
Skip to the first Monday he was back. I was dreading it, because I wasn't sure how the day would go seeing as it was the first day to work with him since my... outburst. We stayed out of each other's way the entire day, which was fine by me. At the end of the day, he brought the assistant manager over (who had my back anyway, we'd talked while he was gone, so his attempt at whatever was pretty useless) to serve me with a final write up. Basically a "you-screw-up-just-once-on-any-of-these-things-and-you'll-get-canned" notice. Now most employers require a first write up before a final write up. So he tied the previous write up from EIGHT months before into it just so he had justification to do so, even though it had nothing to do with the current situation. Disrespect, sure. Give me a brand new write up. Don't tie in a previous issue that isn't even part of the current situation. He also tied other things into it that had never been brought up before, so I was even more convinced he just wanted to get rid of me. I didn't really want to work with him anymore either, but he was the only one with the power to change that. Sure I could have quit, but need I remind you- I was trying to! I came home and wrote up my two weeks notice, as I was sure I was being set up to be fired. I wasn't about to lose 5 years of job history over being fired for some stupid, minute thing. So I gave it to him the next morning. Now let's pause for a second: a problem that I had with this man was that he didn't practice the 360 degree coaching the company clearly outlined. Basically a teller could "coach" the CEO on something that could be done better. Well he never practiced it. He claimed I didn't take coaching well, which wasn't entirely accurate. I worked at it and I had improved how I took coaching. He, on the other hand, deflected it with "coaching" of his own. He always had to have the upper hand. Which made me super unhappy with my job because the things I'd ask him to change were things that made my job almost unbearable, but he didn't care. Back to the story: when I handed him my two weeks notice, I told him he'd be well served to start listening to his employees better because they weren't happy, and I wasn't just talking about myself. I was nice about it this time, telling him that the branch would start performing where they should if the employees were happy, which they weren't. I was mostly looking out for my friends I was leaving behind at the shit hole. His response? Deflection. He said he'd received feedback from other associates, saying that they complained about how I took coaching too. I let it go, but in my head I was screaming Bullshit!!! Four of the employees had never coached me, one rarely did and we had an awesome mutual coaching relationship and the other and I never had problems either. So he was just lying for lack of a better "deflection" method. I just walked away.
On top of it, he knew I was leaving because of him and he announced the VERY next morning after my last day that he was transferring to another branch. Yeah, not to go all four year old on you, but... he did it on purpose. I don't think the transfer was his choice and I think the market team (his bosses) finally started listening to the fact that my branch really couldn't stand him.
Could I have done things differently? Sure. I learned a lot from the experience, see the post for December 29, 2010. I take full responsibility for my "outburst" but I feel that my boss could have actually looked after his employees a little better than he did. That place was a living hell for me, and he couldn't have cared less. He was almost malicious at times. He took pleasure in knowing his employees were miserable because he took already bad situations and made them worse and said we'd have to learn to deal with it. I even caught him smiling about it at times. He was a terrible supervisor, it was like giving a 16 year old boy a place to run and saying "do this however you want to." He'll get his one day, and I sure as hell don't want to be around when that happens, I just take comfort in knowing it will.
I really am better for this situation. I don't have a job, but I really don't need one. I'm focusing on school and my house and so far, things are looking pretty good. Regardless of my mistakes in the situation, I feel like I came out on top, because I really was the lesser of the evils, so to speak.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My Fat Can't Take a Hint... It's NOT Welcome!!
OK so today is officially my first day of my third week on phentermine. Again, I was an idiot and didn't weigh myself on my own scale before I started the diet, so according to the "probably-calibrated-WAY-different-than-the-doctor's" scale I have at home, I've lost about 15 pounds. Seems like a lot, I know. But then again I weighed on my doctor's scale at 4 PM after Burger King fries and a Dr. Pepper when I'd normally weigh myself first thing in the morning after a tinkle. So yeah, it's probably not quite that much but it's all I have to go on for now so I'm going to take it.
And ironically enough, I get a coupon this morning from Chili's for free chips and queso. Um, thanks guys, but not gonna happen for a while. I'm going through a lot of feelings right now, excitement to be done with this diet so I can go back to a semblance of a normal life and dread that unfortunately, things won't ever be the same as before. I hate that I can't go grab a bite and a few drinks with friends right now. I probably cooould, but I really couldn't. I'm not trusting my self discipline yet and alcohol is just out of the question for the time being. I don't need those empty calories putting off another day. I know I'll be able to eat the same things I did before, however no where near as often as I did. And with a bit of physical exercise too. And for those of you who don't know me well, I don't like change. It's going to be hard. Very hard. But I think once I've lost like 50 pounds it'll be way easier to make myself keep it off. Sure, I'll be able to justify pigging out sometimes because I'll be nice and skinny, but gaining 5 pounds is likely to scare the shit out of me. I've been heavy for a while now, and over my dead body will I ever come back to it.
So back to the subject for today- diet plateaus. Yeah, I know they are normal and they pop their ugly face up every once in a while. But they suck. This phentermine drug is supposed to make you not hungry and due to the research I did beforehand, it's not unusual and actually kind of normal to lose something every day or every other day, even if it's just half a pound. I've weighed about the same since Saturday, up until this morning, I'm down about another half a pound. Which again, is normal for dieting and is probably a good thing, but it is discouraging. It makes me want to break down and cry and have a bacon cheeseburger and a vanilla shake to drown my sorrows. Because on top of it all, I've been eating WAY less the last few days. My bestie Leslie was in town and we were busy and I just forgot to eat some days, and my body didn't complain. You'd think the pounds would have fallen off. But I guess not, so today, I'm eating a bit more and going to do some crunches/push-ups/leg lifts and what not later to kick up the exercise. Moral of the story- eating less doesn't necessarily mean you're losing more, it turns out.
I'm learning an awful lot about my body right now, too. When I first saw my doctor for this, she measured my waist at 38 inches. If I am measuring it in the same spot she did, which I believe I am now 34 inches. But I'm wearing 31 inch waist jeans, and they are pretty big, I need a belt with them, so I could really not even be doing it right. Eh, I dunno. But the point is, I'm losing weight and I can see it! And it seems like my body takes weight from my waist first, which is fabulous. I had a waistline before, but now it's getting much more defined and I feel feminine again!
For those of you who worry that I'm simply relying on phentermine to lose the weight, that's so not true. It's taken me a bit, but I've "perfected" my diet routine and found what works for me. Here's pretty much what my diet looks like (Some old news, some new. Bear with me):
And ironically enough, I get a coupon this morning from Chili's for free chips and queso. Um, thanks guys, but not gonna happen for a while. I'm going through a lot of feelings right now, excitement to be done with this diet so I can go back to a semblance of a normal life and dread that unfortunately, things won't ever be the same as before. I hate that I can't go grab a bite and a few drinks with friends right now. I probably cooould, but I really couldn't. I'm not trusting my self discipline yet and alcohol is just out of the question for the time being. I don't need those empty calories putting off another day. I know I'll be able to eat the same things I did before, however no where near as often as I did. And with a bit of physical exercise too. And for those of you who don't know me well, I don't like change. It's going to be hard. Very hard. But I think once I've lost like 50 pounds it'll be way easier to make myself keep it off. Sure, I'll be able to justify pigging out sometimes because I'll be nice and skinny, but gaining 5 pounds is likely to scare the shit out of me. I've been heavy for a while now, and over my dead body will I ever come back to it.
So back to the subject for today- diet plateaus. Yeah, I know they are normal and they pop their ugly face up every once in a while. But they suck. This phentermine drug is supposed to make you not hungry and due to the research I did beforehand, it's not unusual and actually kind of normal to lose something every day or every other day, even if it's just half a pound. I've weighed about the same since Saturday, up until this morning, I'm down about another half a pound. Which again, is normal for dieting and is probably a good thing, but it is discouraging. It makes me want to break down and cry and have a bacon cheeseburger and a vanilla shake to drown my sorrows. Because on top of it all, I've been eating WAY less the last few days. My bestie Leslie was in town and we were busy and I just forgot to eat some days, and my body didn't complain. You'd think the pounds would have fallen off. But I guess not, so today, I'm eating a bit more and going to do some crunches/push-ups/leg lifts and what not later to kick up the exercise. Moral of the story- eating less doesn't necessarily mean you're losing more, it turns out.
I'm learning an awful lot about my body right now, too. When I first saw my doctor for this, she measured my waist at 38 inches. If I am measuring it in the same spot she did, which I believe I am now 34 inches. But I'm wearing 31 inch waist jeans, and they are pretty big, I need a belt with them, so I could really not even be doing it right. Eh, I dunno. But the point is, I'm losing weight and I can see it! And it seems like my body takes weight from my waist first, which is fabulous. I had a waistline before, but now it's getting much more defined and I feel feminine again!
For those of you who worry that I'm simply relying on phentermine to lose the weight, that's so not true. It's taken me a bit, but I've "perfected" my diet routine and found what works for me. Here's pretty much what my diet looks like (Some old news, some new. Bear with me):
- I wake up and eat breakfast (or lunch, if I've slept in, like today). Breakfast is usually a bowl of cereal or weight control oatmeal, a small glass of milk and grapes or yogurt. Or if it's lunch, about 8 oz. of a low sodium, healthy soup and a side dish and water.
- I've quit sodas and alcohol while I'm dieting, which I've mentioned before, but I'm sticking with it. I've started treating myself every once in a while with a packet of crystal light, but not very often. I know it's not that bad for you but my mom drank it religiously and had problems with it so I've learned from her experience that it's better in moderation.
- Anyone who's been on a diet knows that it's not uncommon to have... "regularity" issues. So I'm making sure I get a full days serving of Benefiber, which has helped. Eating fewer simple carbs has certainly affected my fiber intake, so this has really helped a lot.
- I've been keeping a diet journal. I record the date, what I eat, what kind of physical exercise I did, what time I took my pill and how much I weighed, if there was a significant change since my last weigh in. I don't really review it all that often so that part doesn't really help, but it does help with accountability. I've become ritualistic about recording what goes in my body and if I don't do it, it bothers the hell out of me. Who knew my anal/retentive side would pay off one day?? Since I know I've gotta write it down, I've gotta eat well. I want to feel good about what I'm writing down.
- I'm taking Women's One A Day Active Metabolism. Is it helping? I haven't a clue. But it certainly can't hurt. Multi-vitamins are goooood. If they had a weight loss for women one in those new gummy ones, I'd use them. I've yet to look but they probably don't. Oh well.
- I'm also using Jergens Skin Firming lotion every day on problem areas, like my stomach/sides, upper arms and thighs. It says it reduces cellulite, but also improves elasticity. My skin has been pretty stretched out for a while and I want it to snap back as easily as possible, because this particular diet has me losing pretty fast and I don't want my skin to look like poo as a result. Again, is it working? I feel like it is but it's pretty hard to tell. I'm not obese, just overweight, so my skin might have snapped back well on it's own but I'm not leaving anything to chance.
- I'm avoiding simple carbs and sticking with the complex ones. I'm also eliminating sodium and sucrose (sugar... the bad kind. Fructose is sugar from fruit and glucose is sugar that our body creates.) I'm sticking with a sodium free salt substitute and Splenda. They are helping beautifully.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Guilt Free Tiny Clouds of Deliciousness
With a full week of dieting under my belt, I'm proud to say I've lose 11 pounds. Granted, I've cut sodas and alcohol which used to be a regular part of my routine so that's probably a large part of it. I've been trying to cook and eat more at home because I know exactly what's in it and I can keep track of my diet better.
The hardest part is finding foods that I like that can eat to replace previous cravings. Like chips. BIG problem for me. So I wondered what I would need to get the crispy, saltiness that I craved in chips. I found this really promising recipe for radish chips. I do love radishes, so it sounded perfect. Um, not so much. They are the hardest things to dry out and "crisp." They came out soggier than they went in.
I'm not much of a sugar person, but every now and then I get this INSANE drive for sugar. Like a light sugar cookie or something. This diet has been hell for that. I've been eating white grapes to satisfy my sweet tooth, but unfortunately a fruit allergy keeps me from having very many. That, and white grapes are kind of a medium-level carb on the glycemic index. For the beginning at least, I'm trying to keep to the complex carbs. Anywho, I found this recipe for mini- meringues. I've never had one or really even heard of one, I always thought it was just a pie topping. Turns out if you bake just the egg whites with some sugar and vanilla, they turn into these delicious little crunchy things that melt in your mouth like cotton candy. If you've had one before, just hush and let me enjoy my description for those that haven't. I know I'm probably jumping on the meringue train a little late but whatever. Anyway, they are amazing little clouds of deliciousness. If one could eat a cloud on a pretty day, this is what it would taste like. I thought I'd share the recipe for those of you who are dieting and need a sugar high or have plain never tried one. Don't worry, I dissect the baking lingo at the end for the non-kitchen friendly folks out there. Trust me, ANYONE can make it.
- 2 egg whites
- 1/2 cup of sugar (you'll want to use Splenda if you're dieting or watching your sugar)
- 1 tsp. vanilla extract (or almond, it's whatever)
- Preheat the oven to 250 degrees. Beat the egg whites until they are stiff, but not dry (whatever that means). Gradually stir in the sugar, until smooth and not gritty.
- Stir in the extract by hand. Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spoon (or pipe, if you're fancy-pantsy) small amounts (like a tablespoon, you can go smaller but you'd have to adjust the baking times and keep an eye on them!!) onto the parchment paper.
- Bake for 25 minutes. It may vary depending on your oven so keep an eye on them. They should turn a nice golden color and feel smooth and hard on the surface.
OK, to see if the egg whites are stiff, lift the beater and if a "peak" forms and stays, they are stiff. You can add all kinds of spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, etc. into the batter or sprinkle on top. You can also make a cream cheese filling and make meringue-sandwiches. Keeping an eye on these suckers is important, if you overcook them, they burn. If you undercook them, they are more gooey inside. Which is fine if that's what you were going for, buuuut not my preference. Spooning them is not very pretty, so if you're going for 10's in presentation, you can pipe them, or if you're not so fancy or experienced in that sort of thing, try this- take a ziploc bag, fill it with the batter, cut a hole in a bottom corner and squeeze it out into drops. Might take practice, but it makes for prettier drops.
So yeah, as I find more recipes that work for me, I will certainly post them. This makes eating right and losing weight a little easier for me, anyway.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Day 3
OK so today is probably another more serious, boring post. But I don't care, I'm friggin' excited. On Tuesday, I finally threw in the towel on my weight. Seriously. I've been over it for a while, but I'm finally really doing something about it. If the first words that come to your mind are "OMG don't do it, you don't have to! You look great!" then please save them. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not happy with it. Most of those close to me aren't happy with it. So ya know what that tells me? FIX IT!!
Before I tell you just how I'm losing it, let me start by telling you what I've tried thus far. A million years ago, I tried Quick Weight Loss Centers. I don't remember much about it other than it was very complicated, a lot of measuring and counting and cooking. I was in high school at this point, and it may have lasted about a week. I was just too busy for it to stick. In my experience, these kinds of diets don't usually work. They do for some but successful, permanent change is something for a lot of people that needs to be eased into. These kinds of programs go against that for the most part. More power to you if you can do it, but not everyone can.
Nutrisystem, that shit with all the boring commercials featuring hot, hot stars like Dan Marino... ugh. I have used this program twice. It was very much like Quick Weight Loss Centers, lots of counting, lots of measuring... but no cooking. The entrees for every meal, including snacks, are all mailed to you in this big ol' box. You have to add precisely measured side dishes of certain food groups to each meal, which is the biggest pain in the ass. But it was a bit easier and it worked. I lost about 20 pounds the first time. The second time, they changed something about the food. The first time I tried it, most of it was okay, some of it was gross but I just didn't eat that stuff. When I ordered it about 2 years after the first time, ALL OF IT tasted like yuckitypoopoo. I dove straight into the dishes I remembered had been tasty. Not so much, even those reliable fall backs were disgusting. So needless to say, what used to work will not always work.
Alli. For those of you who are lucky enough to never have tried this product, let me dissect it for you. The books that come with it explain that a good target fat intake is 3 grams of fat or less per 100 calories in a food item. The bottle clearly states to not eat too much fat. Or else. You had to find out the hard way what happens when you do eat more than that. I'll enlighten you- you poop this really nasty bright orange oil. Oh and it also has a tendency to come out when you fart. Well, what am I super good at? Farting. Yeah, I'm not ashamed, I learned the hard way. Overall, it's an effective plan. BUT it's just a pill with some books and an online site to track your progress. So, we're back to cooking and measuring and counting. This ones a bit easier because there are quite a few good foods that fall into that 3g of fat/100 calorie range but it was still high maintenance. You had to figure most of it out on your own.
I also tried just plain calorie counting and exercise, the longtime proven method for weight loss. But I have no self discipline, and I'm a boredom eater. So this technique just made me tired and hungry and I couldn't stick with it for more than 3 weeks at a time.
I also tried South Beach for like a week. Yuck. That's all I have to say. Another high maintenance one.
Weight loss techniques are different for everyone, if there was a tried-and-true method for everyone, we'd have no obesity problems. I had to find what works for me. Which brings me to what I am currently using. Phentermine. I'm on my 3rd day, and so far, so good. I'm hardly ever hungry, which was my biggest problem. Sitting down with a bag of tortilla chips no longer appeals to me. Which was the plan. A lot of people are against this pill, and I understand why. However, I am using it under a doctor's close supervision and she's helping me learn how to eat right, period. Not just on a diet, but for good. Which is what I needed. I've yet to have any heart racing issues, which is the biggest reported problem on this pill. I'm keeping a close eye on it every day and so far, this seems to be a good method for me. Let me be clear on one thing- I don't condone using pills, and especially this pill, as a first choice for weight loss. I tried a lot of stuff several times before resorting to this. And I have tried to be happy with my weight as is. But I'm not healthy, and that's the biggest part. If this were just my body and if I'd looked like this my whole life, I might be more content with it. But this weight gain is recent and bottom line, I'm not happy with it.
The biggest part of why the counting, measuring and cooking methods don't work for me is simple- my life has always been governed by food. When I'm eating next, where we're eating out, what I'm going to pig out on when I get a night to myself. And the previously mentioned methods of weight loss are pretty much the same thing- my life revolving around food. Not in the same way, but my life would revolve around all the measuring and counting and cooking. And as much as that may sound like a good thing for me, because my life would still revolve around food, it's really not. I want to let go of my grip on food and live my life. Food just needs to fit into that life. As it's convenient for me. The first full day I took the pill, I cannot even describe the happiness I felt, because for the first day in my life that I can remember, I was not thinking about food. And it was amazing!
Another thing about this pill is that when you're off of it, the appetite does come back. But I'm trying to instill rules for myself now and rules for myself for after that I can stick with the make sure I keep it off. For my diet, I've cut sodas and alcohol out completely. My doctor has a great diet rule- don't drink your calories. When I'm off the diet, I just won't keep sodas in the house. On the few (and reduced times) that I go out to eat after the diet, I will have a soda then. But not in the house. And my drinking will be heavily reduced as well, which I feel is just smart anyway, aside from the diet. So yeah, it's a work in progress, but these are realistic rules I can set for myself and stick with. I think I've got a good handle on it.
One might say, "You've lost weight on those plans before, why don't you think they are successful?" I never hit my target weight. I was so overwhelmed by the programs that I would rather quit than keep going. I wasn't happy, I was stressed and irritable. I stopped being excited about losing weight and figured that I could learn to be happy with the weight I had gotten to. It will happen this time, dammit. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been and I'm just not physically comfortable with my weight. Self conscious, yes, but I am physically uncomfortable with my weight. Like I don't fit into my skin. It's hard to get comfortable and relax, and that's another wake up call I've had.
I'm also on a reward system for myself for when I do hit my target weight. I'm pretty much going all out on a make over. There's a long list of things that I will do when I've lost the weight that I've wanted to do for a long time, all geared around helping me feel better about myself. It's always good to learn to accept who you are and be happy with that, but my take on that is if there are things you can easily do, without surgery or drastic measures, to feel better about yourself you should DO THEM!! A few things on my list? Get a new hairstyle. Get on that Latisse stuff and grow my eyelashes a bit more. Get a tan. If such simple, easily attainable things can make me so much happier with what I see in the mirror, why not?
I've poured out a lot of myself here, and that wasn't exactly my plan. But a big part of this for me was to be honest with myself and everyone around me. Posting it for everyone to see is also like another commitment for me. If everyone expects this huge weight loss from me, then I'll feel more pressure to actually stick with it this time. Which is my plan. :-)
Before I tell you just how I'm losing it, let me start by telling you what I've tried thus far. A million years ago, I tried Quick Weight Loss Centers. I don't remember much about it other than it was very complicated, a lot of measuring and counting and cooking. I was in high school at this point, and it may have lasted about a week. I was just too busy for it to stick. In my experience, these kinds of diets don't usually work. They do for some but successful, permanent change is something for a lot of people that needs to be eased into. These kinds of programs go against that for the most part. More power to you if you can do it, but not everyone can.
Nutrisystem, that shit with all the boring commercials featuring hot, hot stars like Dan Marino... ugh. I have used this program twice. It was very much like Quick Weight Loss Centers, lots of counting, lots of measuring... but no cooking. The entrees for every meal, including snacks, are all mailed to you in this big ol' box. You have to add precisely measured side dishes of certain food groups to each meal, which is the biggest pain in the ass. But it was a bit easier and it worked. I lost about 20 pounds the first time. The second time, they changed something about the food. The first time I tried it, most of it was okay, some of it was gross but I just didn't eat that stuff. When I ordered it about 2 years after the first time, ALL OF IT tasted like yuckitypoopoo. I dove straight into the dishes I remembered had been tasty. Not so much, even those reliable fall backs were disgusting. So needless to say, what used to work will not always work.
Alli. For those of you who are lucky enough to never have tried this product, let me dissect it for you. The books that come with it explain that a good target fat intake is 3 grams of fat or less per 100 calories in a food item. The bottle clearly states to not eat too much fat. Or else. You had to find out the hard way what happens when you do eat more than that. I'll enlighten you- you poop this really nasty bright orange oil. Oh and it also has a tendency to come out when you fart. Well, what am I super good at? Farting. Yeah, I'm not ashamed, I learned the hard way. Overall, it's an effective plan. BUT it's just a pill with some books and an online site to track your progress. So, we're back to cooking and measuring and counting. This ones a bit easier because there are quite a few good foods that fall into that 3g of fat/100 calorie range but it was still high maintenance. You had to figure most of it out on your own.
I also tried just plain calorie counting and exercise, the longtime proven method for weight loss. But I have no self discipline, and I'm a boredom eater. So this technique just made me tired and hungry and I couldn't stick with it for more than 3 weeks at a time.
I also tried South Beach for like a week. Yuck. That's all I have to say. Another high maintenance one.
Weight loss techniques are different for everyone, if there was a tried-and-true method for everyone, we'd have no obesity problems. I had to find what works for me. Which brings me to what I am currently using. Phentermine. I'm on my 3rd day, and so far, so good. I'm hardly ever hungry, which was my biggest problem. Sitting down with a bag of tortilla chips no longer appeals to me. Which was the plan. A lot of people are against this pill, and I understand why. However, I am using it under a doctor's close supervision and she's helping me learn how to eat right, period. Not just on a diet, but for good. Which is what I needed. I've yet to have any heart racing issues, which is the biggest reported problem on this pill. I'm keeping a close eye on it every day and so far, this seems to be a good method for me. Let me be clear on one thing- I don't condone using pills, and especially this pill, as a first choice for weight loss. I tried a lot of stuff several times before resorting to this. And I have tried to be happy with my weight as is. But I'm not healthy, and that's the biggest part. If this were just my body and if I'd looked like this my whole life, I might be more content with it. But this weight gain is recent and bottom line, I'm not happy with it.
The biggest part of why the counting, measuring and cooking methods don't work for me is simple- my life has always been governed by food. When I'm eating next, where we're eating out, what I'm going to pig out on when I get a night to myself. And the previously mentioned methods of weight loss are pretty much the same thing- my life revolving around food. Not in the same way, but my life would revolve around all the measuring and counting and cooking. And as much as that may sound like a good thing for me, because my life would still revolve around food, it's really not. I want to let go of my grip on food and live my life. Food just needs to fit into that life. As it's convenient for me. The first full day I took the pill, I cannot even describe the happiness I felt, because for the first day in my life that I can remember, I was not thinking about food. And it was amazing!
Another thing about this pill is that when you're off of it, the appetite does come back. But I'm trying to instill rules for myself now and rules for myself for after that I can stick with the make sure I keep it off. For my diet, I've cut sodas and alcohol out completely. My doctor has a great diet rule- don't drink your calories. When I'm off the diet, I just won't keep sodas in the house. On the few (and reduced times) that I go out to eat after the diet, I will have a soda then. But not in the house. And my drinking will be heavily reduced as well, which I feel is just smart anyway, aside from the diet. So yeah, it's a work in progress, but these are realistic rules I can set for myself and stick with. I think I've got a good handle on it.
One might say, "You've lost weight on those plans before, why don't you think they are successful?" I never hit my target weight. I was so overwhelmed by the programs that I would rather quit than keep going. I wasn't happy, I was stressed and irritable. I stopped being excited about losing weight and figured that I could learn to be happy with the weight I had gotten to. It will happen this time, dammit. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been and I'm just not physically comfortable with my weight. Self conscious, yes, but I am physically uncomfortable with my weight. Like I don't fit into my skin. It's hard to get comfortable and relax, and that's another wake up call I've had.
I'm also on a reward system for myself for when I do hit my target weight. I'm pretty much going all out on a make over. There's a long list of things that I will do when I've lost the weight that I've wanted to do for a long time, all geared around helping me feel better about myself. It's always good to learn to accept who you are and be happy with that, but my take on that is if there are things you can easily do, without surgery or drastic measures, to feel better about yourself you should DO THEM!! A few things on my list? Get a new hairstyle. Get on that Latisse stuff and grow my eyelashes a bit more. Get a tan. If such simple, easily attainable things can make me so much happier with what I see in the mirror, why not?
I've poured out a lot of myself here, and that wasn't exactly my plan. But a big part of this for me was to be honest with myself and everyone around me. Posting it for everyone to see is also like another commitment for me. If everyone expects this huge weight loss from me, then I'll feel more pressure to actually stick with it this time. Which is my plan. :-)
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Someone Farted...
Things have changed a lot around here in the past month and a half. I am now a stay at home wife. I am happier. I get a better amount of sleep now. My house is clean AND organized. I have two dogs now. And things are good. Really good.
It's a new kind of chaos around here, one where I am constantly watching a puppy out of the corner of my eye, making sure she doesn't pee or steal my slippers. I am making sure my adult dog does not feel neglected, which is turning out to be easier than I thought it'd be because she has become somewhat of an escape for me. She is pretty well house trained, she comes to me for lovings because that's really all she wants from me- love. I am alone with my step daughter this weekend because my husband is out of town visiting a friend. She can really be a handful, because she's overly sensitive and that is not a trait that I can easily relate to. My husband and I were in agreement on how to handle this, but he has had a bit of an epiphany that no longer agrees with what I truly feel is right, so I'm struggling with that. I had two of my old coworkers from the bank come over last night for an impromptu "game night" which was a blast. You never realize how much you associate people as family until your routines that involve them change drastically. Life has changed for me, and strangely, I didn't stop to take notice of just how different it is until I smelled something foul and had to ask myself, "who farted?" It wasn't me, it could have been my adult doberman, Isis, who is loving these new, long days with mommy. It could have been my step daughter, who I am so rarely alone with or it could be the new doberman puppy, Juno.
I am alone in the house more now than I ever was before. But I don't feel the loneliness like I did when I was working. It's hard to come home to a house devoid of human interaction. True, I didn't do it often, but when you only get 57-ish hours of conscious time at home each week, only a few hours of alone time while the spouse is at work take away from that number drastically. I've found that I'm happier. I know this time is short lived, because if I make it into the nursing program in the fall, this will be over and I'll return to the land of 8 hour days. So I'm enjoying it. And I'm learning a lot about myself, namely the things that I didn't know I'd actually enjoy doing. Like making my bed. I love having a smoothly made bed in the morning, strange as it sounds. Quiet evenings at home when I'm by myself, with a movie or a book. I'm no longer in a hurry to get things done, which has given me the time to rape my house, so to speak. Somewhere between 15 and 20 trash bags of I-couldn't-tell-you-what and 3 weeks later, my house is organized. I sometimes just stare at my newly rearranged closets and admire the emptiness. And I actually have time to do well in my classes. It's nice.
Wow this was a big change from my normal blog entry theme but hey, we could all use some more docile posts every once in a while. What, did you think I'm like that all the time?? I'm annoying enough being "ranty" 50% of the time, 100% might be overkill.
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